Happy New Year--2013!

Never have I been so grateful to leave a year behind me!  I have had a countdown to 2013 since September, and I am so glad to be saying goodbye to 2012 tonight, though I am not saying good-riddens exactly how I had planned.  I have been fighting a silly cold since right after christmas and am not able to visit my mom in the hospital.  My mom and dad will be ringing in the new year together in the hospital, and Zach and I will be ringing it in here at home, that is, if I can stay awake!

2012 has been rough for many reasons; countless health battles for my mother, countless emotional struggles that my family has had to overcome including the death of my my papaw, and simply watching my mom fight so hard every single day.  On top of that I have had long work/school days, my dad has as well making schedules complicated, my sister is likely VERY sick of her car and the drive from MI to IN, and Zach is likely sick of people asking him how he is doing and asking him about his grades.  My boyfriend moved across the country to SC and I miss him all of the time. BUT there have been GREAT things too...

Great 4th of July memories at the boat, great Seabrook memories, an incredible man I have truly fallen in love with, a family that I will forever be grateful for, a brother who is now driving an AWESOME jeep, a mother who has shown me what strength really is, a papaw who left this earth not before showing me what generosity is, a life of endless learning. 

I am really hoping for a 2013 that is full of health, prosperity, generosity in this nation, beauty, happy changes, and man and I living in the same zipcode!!!

My 2012 final thoughts is something that has struck me lately, which is how often people tell my momma to keep fighting, or to stay strong, and while I understand that these words are meant in good faith, they are actually quite inconsiderate.  Well I think they are, I haven't had the courage to ask her what she thinks because I would likely cry.  I think they are inconsiderate simply because it takes her strength to wake up, to move her legs from side to side, to move in her bed, when she has to ASK to get up, to take her 20+ pills twice a day, etc etc etc.  The strength she has is more than any of us have, and she already has that strength...AND that strength has nothing to do with the outcome of her illness.  She is fighting, as are the doctors, as is her family, but the outcome of her illness, her prognosis, if you will, should never be a reflection on her; and words like "keep fighting" or "stay strong" implies that she has the option to not do that for one, and two that the result of not doing that would be failure.  I'm sure people may disagree, but I feel that applauding her strength and incredible tenacity would be much more appropriate, I just don't think we as a culture know these things unless you have experienced it personally.

Needing Encouragement

As we get closer to the Mayan's "end of the world" I feel myself wondering if it could be true. Well not really. But more so wondering that if this is my current reality, how much is the true end of times going to suck? If children are dying in massacres, if cops are being killed on duty, and NFL stars are making their children parent-less now; what should I expect for the end of times?

It's no surprise that I am a firm supporter of improving access to mental health resources in this nation given my profession, but I find myself being even more concerned about this issue considering the fact that I am in a country where buying an assault weapon is easier than accessing mental health services. I only need an ID and the cost of the weapon, and any big sporting goods store vs my ID, insurance, money, and obviously the fortune of living in a neighborhood with mental health services and the gumption to fight the stigma attached to said services.

When are we going to address this? So you all want your cool guns and your stupid amendment 2? Well I want my fellow neighbors to have access to resources that will better their lives, improve society and keep us safer. I don't give a shit about your stupid guns, but until we address the bigger issues in this country, it is simply unwise to continue to allow these weapons to be as accessible as they are.

I was talking with my mom, her pastor and his wife today about this. Something he said stood out to me, he said that every time he discusses mental health in church he has several individuals express gratitude re his openness in expressing mental illness not as a character flaw but as an actual disease. When is our nation going to follow suit?

A Homeless Man, A Reminder

Last week when I was on one of my many bus rides of the week between the hospital and campus, I found myself on a bus with a man who was likely homeless.   When he got onto the bus, people moved away from where he was, and while this man did carry quite a stench with him, I was angry with the people who did this.  So, I started to talk to him.

Though I didn't have enough time to learn his whole life story, I was able to learn that he isn't from Ann Arbor, but found himself here because he thought people (family I think) here would help him.  They have not helped him, however, and he has been living on the streets for too long to keep track of, or so he said.  The man needed help finding 7-11, and since I was walking to my office on State St, I told him to walk with me and that he would be able to find it.  When we said goodbye the amount of gratitude that he expressed was simply unbelievable.  All I had done was offer humanity to this man, I did not judge, I did not fear, and I did not act oblivious to his needs.  I talked to him, I treated him how I would hope others would treat me if I myself were to be homeless.  He was kind, he was gentle, and he was lost.  But why?

In such a political time in our country, we are being bombarded with FALSE information on a daily (if not hourly) basis regarding what each presidential candidate can give us.  One thing that is TRUE, though, is that the Republican agenda would here about this man I tell you of and then stick up its nose, walk away, and whisper that he should help himself.  And if he can't help himself, then find a community resource that can.  In this agenda there is an assumption (well there are lots) that every human being has equal access to a prosperous life.  Well we KNOW this isn't true.  How are we all granted equal access to this is our education is not equal, if our kids are not made aware/taught about how to "help" themselves through education and better jobs?  Well we just aren't.  Our country's institutions are racist on a daily basis, kids from poor families with druggie mommy and daddy's are no longer getting benefits, and it's becoming harder and harder for minority populations to have a chance at making it "big and prosperous" even when they are educated about their choices.  And if you're wanting to argue with the racist comment, tell me why white people get organs more than minorities (even when controlling for any representation distributions).  Or tell me why black babies die 3 times more often in infancy than white babies.  Well you can't explain these things without acknowledging the research that points to institutionalized and experienced racism.

So why do I care?  Well I care for LOTS of reasons.  Being a social worker, I am COMPLETELY committed to fighting for social justice even if it is not the popular ideology.  I also care because this man is utilizing services right now, like shelters, food banks, and counseling, that will be taken away from him if Romney is put into office.  Government program cuts means our most vulnerable clients suffer. 

Yes I am ranting, but it is incredibly important.  So much of the media DOES NOT educate you on the implications of your vote.  Learn. Research. and vote. 

Pure Hell

I hope my mom has no memory of the last few days, and I hope that one day my dad and I can forget them too.  In all honesty, when I think of the pain she has endured, and what her body has gone through, it is simply hard to hold it together.  It is unbearable to watch someone I love so much in so much agony as she fights so hard with such tenacity to save her life.  My mom has something in her I haven't found in another human being, it's an ability to be gracefully in pain, and absolutely beautiful despite being in complete agony.  I will never understand where her strength comes from but I can't begin to express my gratitude.  Because if she wasn't willing to fight this hard, and endure this pain, she wouldn't be choosing to fight for her life.

This week marks the beginning of my last YEAR OF [GRAD] SCHOOL.  In eight months (from today) I will be an MSW smarter, and maybe a few pounds lighter if I stay this busy and this addicted to Pure Barre (I'll tell you about it in another post!!!!).  Zachary starts school tomorrow, my dad went back to work today after spending all weekend with my mom (we took shifts and never left her alone, really).  It's hard to imagine leaving her alone, but at the same time I know that she is 1. Safe...the staff on the BMT is absolutely amazing and she has been cared for so well.  and 2. we knew that this was inevitable that we would have to get in a routine...and once we start it we will feel more comfortable with it.  Several of her friends have offered to come visit and sit with her and that has been a blessing for us (and probably her! She's probably sick of us!) 

At the end of the day, we knew it was going to be hard, and I can only hope that with the transplant taking place tomorrow (DAY 0) that she will feel better within a matter of weeks/months.  I'll take waiting that long in exchange for some YEARS with my momma. 

A Long Time Coming

Yesterday was the first day that I felt fall in the air. It totally freaked me out but also totally got me excited about the things I love about fall.  Us Polen's sure have been through a lot this summer and the fall is sure to bring its own trials, but there is something about the changing of seasons that brings triumph, hope, but also a bit of sadness. I live for summer; time on the lake, time in the sun, and lots of time with people that I love.  Fall has become a favorite time for me though in recent  years; the leaves, the cider, the doughnuts (cheat worthy), the orchard, the football, and the beginning of a new school year.  Fall has been associated with newness for so long in my life now that it is also accompanied with excitement and a bit of nervousness.  This year it is my last year of school, at least for a good while, the beginning of my medical social work experience, a new internship, a new and longer distance in my relationship and it is also the biggest fight my mom has had to face in her life.  It is sure to be a season of trial, but I am hopeful that it goes by quick and we can all look back one day proud that we got through this season of life.

Though fall is in the air for sure, I am most certainly hoping for a few more heat waves before the frigid cold hits Michigan as it always does.  In the mean time, I'll try to capture some of this warmth when it becomes impossible to think of weather above 30 in a mere few months.

Madre is enjoying her last few weeks of summer, too.  She has an insane amount of appointments in the upcoming week/s that are keeping us all busy.  She is doing s great job of staying active when she can and resting when she needs to.  She is also trying to be very patient with us all as we try to become caretakers and help out with the house, Zach, and managing the logistics of the next months.

Hope you are all enjoying summer!

Home Again Home Again..

Well after very few days home in over a month (5 days out of 6 weeks to be exact), I am home "for good" for at least awhile.  I went on vacation in Seabrook with the Groh's, vacation with my family on the boat, I was in Ohio mourning the loss of my papaw, I was spending time with Christopher in Columbus, and most recently I helped move Christopher to Charleston.  It has been a whirlwind of six weeks and so much has happened.  I am exhausted, drained, and burned out emotionally.  It's hard to believe that I need to be gearing up for another school year and teaching year. 

Leaving Charleston was difficult for lots of reasons.  Not only was I leaving this incredible man, but I was also coming home to reality.  Whereas the traveling life lends itself to postponing reality, being home does not.  August will be a month of getting our house, my family, and my momma ready for the battle (of which she has very much started) of her life, literally.  All of our focus is on getting her healthy, and the month of August will be put to good use in getting us all ready.  It was hard coming home, but I am so ready to get my mom feeling better and to see her healthy and back up to her maximum feisty levels, though don't get me wrong, she most certainly hasn't lost her feisty spark.  Tonight she was teaching us the proper hours of phone calls.  Only between 9 and 9, and make the phone call yourself if you want it outside those hours, dammit.    

Thanks for being a part of this journey with me.  This year is bound to be full of more ups and downs, but I am still holding out for the positive and good news of 2012, and trying to find it in every day.

#272:  Remembering to be grateful!
#273: 11:11.  I absolutely love making wishes and being able to wish for positivity!
#274: Safe travels on such a CRAZY day in the airports today.  It was beyond busy!
#275: I love my family so so much and am so proud of their incredible strength.

Chin Up

Is it true that we must always have our chins up? That we must always be as positive as can be in the most difficult of times? I'm saying here and now that no, we do not have to always be positive. We are entitled to times of doubt, times of weakness, and times of fear. But yes, overall, we must have hope in our hearts or it's not worth the fight at all!

In Rememberance

goofy papaw at bailey's bday party in 2008

Well 2012 doesn't seem to be lightening its burden on the Polen/McGarvey clan anytime soon.  After spending a day in Lebanon to celebrate Christopher's grandma's 95th birthday, my family received news the my papaw Darrell had taken a turn for the worse.  He has been courageously fighting leukemia (SLL/CLL) since last Memorial Day, but an infection had gotten into his bloodstream and with such a weak immune system from the treatment, this time things never got better as hoped.  My parents and brother came in to town from Michigan, Brittany from Indy, and our entire family was able to be at the hospital to say goodbye and I love you.  It was an emotionally draining day, and a physically exhausting day, but I am grateful my entire family was able to be there to support one another.

My mom is such a trooper.  She is so strong and such a rock.  Despite being sore from a bone marrow biopsy the day before, she was there all day on Saturday supporting her dad and her family through this horrible process. 

Cancer is no friend of our family, and seems to have had a death grip on us since 2004.  I can only dream of a day where its destructive nature no longer follows us wherever we go. 

Almost a month...

It's been almost a month since my last post, and lots has happened in that time!  I spent a week on Seabrook Island in South Carolina with Christopher's family, a week on Lake Cumberland with my family (plus Mr. Groh), and I've been wrapping up Summer Work in preparation for a busy busy August.

Vacation was incredible.  Getting to know the Groh family more was really fun, I love getting to spend time with them and learning about their family.  I feel like it helps me understand Christopher in a way that can't be explained in words.  I loved having him in my favorite place...the boat.  It was so fun to share that with someone that I love, as I had never brought anyone to the boat with me before.  It was fun watching him mesh with my family, and watching my family fall in love with him just like I have.

It was an amazing two weeks away from the stress and the busyness of life right now.  Coming back has been hard...back to work, figuring out scheduling, doctors appointments for my mama, and navigating having a boyfriend moving 16 hours away.  Life feels chaotic and hard, but I know that we will all walk out the other end of all this a stronger family.

Check out fb for more vaca pictures :)

Once in a Life Time

This past Saturday in Chillicothe, Ohio, my parents' hometown, my aunt Becky and grandma hosted a bone marrow registration drive.  The event was an incredible success, with 149 registering to be donors and raising $2525 so far for the Be The Match organization.  You can still donate or sign up to register by going to marrow.org or by reading more about the event on my mothers blog at carepages.org.  But from my perspective, it was absolutely incredible to see so many people pour their time, sweat and tears into supporting my mom.  When strangers were showing up and friends were showing up after driving hours to get there it started to hit me just how incredible my mother truly is.

One of the trade offs of having moved around the world with my family is really not having a home town.  This weekend was the first time I really felt like that is something I would want at some point in my life, a home base that is.  I have loved moving so much, and am cringing at the fact that I have now lived in Michigan longer than I have lived anywhere else, but having a place to refer to as my home, and a place where I can count on to support me at the drop of a hat would provide a bit of security.  I have been asked a lot about how I would want to raise my own children; if I would want them to move around or if I would want them to have a home town experience and I really have no flipping idea.  But I do know that there are trade offs with both, and that if I have to live in one place forever it better be flipping fantastic!

Saturday taught us lots of things.  It taught us how incredibly respected my mama is, how adored she is by so many.  It taught us that lots of people are praying and hoping for her match to be found quickly.  It taught us that our family is ridiculously strong, showcased by the fact that my grandpa was at the event not 24 hours after getting out of the hospital.  And it taught us that Chillicothe is the definition of community, and we have great friends there who support our family.  I am grateful for all of these things!

#266: Seeing family that I hadn't seen in years this past weekend
#267: Seeing a smile on my papa's face
#268: Hugs from lots of people who know me, though I don't know them from Adam.
#269: Catching up with old friends, cousins, family.  It's so easy to feel comfortable around everyone.
#270: Feeling better!!
#271: The strength of community.

Tearful Moments

I know you all have been here. The moments where you feel so completely misunderstood that all you can do is nod, smile, and fight back the tears.

But what is it about needing to feel understood that is so important to us? I would argue that it's particularly important to women, but honestly I think it's a human need that most of us have. I know I do.

I think for me, I've spent most of my life thinking and feeling like no one understood me or my pain, regardless of whether that was true or not. No one knew what it was like to be me though and that has always been hard. I don't understand why people don't just know why I'm shutting them out, building walls, crying, or doing any of my other awesome behaviors. I feel like I'm pretty easy to get; I'm damaged, I've been Hurt a lot so I'm quick to feel insecure and attacked, and I'm currently under lots of stress. What else do you need to know in order to understand me?

My irrational need to be understood, however, puts those who love me on a tough spot. Despite their efforts to love me, it's not enough if I don't feel understood. So what happens? People's efforts go unappreciated and I still feel ALONE.

Moving forward I can say these three things: 1. Professional help is not a sign of weakness. Nor are my tears right now. They just prove that I've been strong for so long and I need help now. 2. The support from my friends and family means so much to me, regardless of whether I can acknowledge it at the time. 3. It's okay to want to be understood. I'm not bad or wrong for wanting so desperately for someone to get my pain.

Be nice to one another. Love one another. And help one another!

National Attention

A couple weeks ago I updated you all on my mother's recent diagnosis with MDS, a bone marrow cancer.  I wanted to offer a brief update on where things are standing now.

They tested my siblings and I, my uncle, and my Nanny (grandma) to see if any of us were matches to my mom.  None of us were.  They have yet to find a 10/10 match for my mother.  They have found a few 9/10 but we are still hoping for a 10/10 as the success rates are higher with a perfect match. 

In efforts to find this perfect match, my mom's sister (Becky) and mother (nanny) planned a bone marrow registration drive in Chillicothe, OH this upcoming Saturday.  We are ALL also pushing/encouraging people to sign up to be on the registry by going to marrow.org and requesting a kit to be sent to your house.  So many people are in need of a transplant (roughly 10,000 people at any given time).  Almost half of those struggle to find matches.  Let's change this by registering and encouraging people to register! It's only a blood donation, no surgeries, no long hospital stays!

Today, Robin Roberts announced that she too has MDS.  We (my mom's friends and family) are trying to get national attention for this drive, and bone marrow donation in general.  If you follow my twitter page then you saw lots of tweets about this, and if you're on my facebook, then you saw lots of posts about this.  Please share this incredible article about my mom and her family with others, and please use social media to spread the word on her behalf. 

#261: The power of social media.
#262: So grateful that my mom is a fighter, from a family of fighters.  We don't give up (see last post ;)) and we won't stop fighting for those we love.
#263: Health insurance.  And the health insurance reform.  Eternally grateful for quality care and excited to keep fighting for equal care in our country.
#264: Inspiration.  It comes from the strangest places, graduation speakers, long conversations, simple texts. 
#265: Having a madre who knows what to do for bad burns from the oven! But not so grateful for the burn!

New Theme Song

I love so many things about music, but most of all, I love how it can poetically put poetic words to my emotions and thoughts.  It's so hard to find the way to express myself sometimes...but then...there is a song that expresses everything for me!! So helpful. 

Right now, my repeat song is Jason Mraz's "I won't give up".  It's beautiful, so poetic, has an incredible melody, and just absolutely an inspiration!  And the best part?  The video is inspirational on its own!  Check it out..


"...I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
...
'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily, I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make. Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am ...."


It's beautiful...and you should check it out.
#256: Freedom to listen to whatever I want, and the ability to listen to most music for free on the internet.  Thanks youtube :)  But for reals.  What did homies do before the interwebz?
#257: Swimsuits.  Lots of them.  And new ones.  And ones that fit my boobs.  And ones that I love.
#258: Bursts of motivation to exercise.  5/7 days have had a work out in them! That's quite the improvement for me as of late.
#259: Naps.  When night-time sleeping is such a rarity as of late, naps are so appreciated and I am so blessed to have the time for them.  Though think of how many more calories I'd burn if I worked out as long as I napped...
#260: Time with Keiraboo.  I love that baby and it is so refreshing to spend time with little ones and play silly games and get in cuddle time, too.  Especially when it seems like everything else is going to hell in a handbasket.  I'm not sure if that's the real phrase but I like using phrases.

Proposal

Not mine. I promise. My padre (not to mention my boyfriend) would be quite upset.  Or at least surprised!

Anywho.. I am sure that you have heard about this really cute couple who got engaged after a guy proposed by lip-dubbing to the bruno mars song (first live lip dub proposal ever).  It is quite the production.  Isaac (the dude) had his family, her family, and their friends involved in the proposal, and it was just such a cool moment. 

Watch the video, though, so you really get the full picture. 

There have been lots of cool proposals though, that's for sure.  Check out this Disney one, for example. 

Though these are so cool though, I can't help but wonder what I would want.  I really don't know, and am grateful I don't have to choose.  But really.  Would I want all of my friends and family there staring at me waiting for my response? Well first of all, why would you be asking a girl to marry you if you don't know her answer? Second of all girls can ask dudes too.  But my point is that I don't know if I would want lots of people there sharing that moment with me, or if I would want it to be a super intimate moment with this one dude telling me he wants to spend his life with me foreva and eva. 

Lastly, lets take a moment to remember this awful moment where this woman was subjected to an AWFUL sports event proposal (worst idea ever) and turned the dude down.  First off, sorry if that's how you were proposed to because that sucks.

Regardless, I am sure I won't do THAT.  And I'll let you know how it goes when I'm proposed to if I get proposed to.  Because maybe I'll propose.  No I probably won't because though I hate being traditional, with some things I just am. 

#251: Cute proposals, cute songs, cute people being so happy that it's impossible to think that everything in the world is bad.
#252: Moments of super hopeful bursts.
#253: Incredible family members willing to pour their nonexistant time into events that WILL lead to lives saved.
#254: Seeing my padre and bro bro interested in the work I do.  I love my job this summer despite how exhausted I am every Thursday... I love it... and would do it over in a heart beat!
#255: Moments of intense love.  Powerful, strong, love.

Gifts

#246: Sunshine! So much sunshine lately has been such a welcomed surprise!!  I love getting in hot cars, walking outside and feeling the warm air, and being able to sit in the warm sun.  It's finally warm enough to sit outside at night without freezing, too, which at the boat is one of my favorite things to do.
#247: Opportunities to feel grateful, positive, blessed, optimistic, hopeful.
#248: Sunsets on really clear days when the sky looks like it is a blank canvas waiting for the sun to paint an incredible goodnight drawing to all of us. 
#249: Welcome home excitement from Scarlet after being gone for five days. 
#250: Hugs from the boys after not seeing them for a week.  Their silly crazy excitement in the morning is contagious, silly, and uplifting.  When I asked them why they were so excited, Dominick said he was celebrating like he was having a party. Pierce said he just loved me so much.  Too cute for words.

Life throws us all kinds of curve balls, but we can't stop in our tracks.  I contemplated giving up on my #1000gifts because it is taking me FOREVER,  but I am 1/4 of the way there and I think that it will be a good thing to have while wanting to focus on lots of negatives. Plus, I hate giving up on things.  So, if I hit dry spells, you'll just have to help me find things to be grateful for, or memories to view as "gifts".  

Life's Lessons

Life has taught me many things, but one thing it has taught me over and over again is that it is not fair.  Things in life don't happen for specific reasons, good things happen to good people and bad people and bad things happen to good people and bad people.  Three years ago my madre was diagnosed with small cell neuroendocrine cancer of the cervix.  U of M helped her put up quite the fight and she fought it with valor.  She is 2 1/2 years out and has enjoyed lots of trips to the lake, time with family and countless joy with friends and family.  Unfortunately, however, the treatment to that cancer has brought us back here again, facing Myelodysplastic Syndrome, a bone marrow cancer that requires a bone marrow transplant that will likely take place some time this year.  We are hoping for the best, but she has a rough road ahead of her including chemo, several weeks in the hospital, 100 days requiring round the clock care, limited travel, and increased risk of infection.  We are all struggling with the diagnosis but are committed to having an enjoyable summer before putting on our boxing gloves to beat the crap out of this cancer. 

Our family has taken a beating from the "C" word, and it is really hard for me to put in to words how much my life has been wrecked by its traumatic life course.  Losing my grandma Dixie to cancer in 2008 is still such a sore wound, and to have a mother who has to fight this yet again while my grandfather continues to fight Leukemia seems absolutely cruel.  I can have moments of absolute feelings of devastation and sobs, and other moments of absolute numbness and aloofness.  I know that it is absurd to have a constant pity party, but it also feels absurd that the world expects me to put a smile on my face and carry on as if I don't have a 2 ton weight on my shoulders.  It's hard to balance the what-if's with trying to be positive, it's hard to balance not wanting to miss out on anything with not wanting to be perceived as a debby-downer.  All of it is simply hard. 

At the same time, how many families are BLESSED with the opportunity to be reminded of how much they LOVE one another and how much they are grateful for one another.  I can't help but look at other families and realize how grateful I am for the closeness that the five of us have.  I am beyond grateful for all that my parents have sacrificed for my siblings and I, and I will never be able to thank them enough for the life that they have provided me with.  I love my family so much, and though it breaks my heart to see my mother go through this again, having her fight for her life again, I think we have to find the tiny glimmers of hope in the moments where we are given incredible moments to love one another so selflessly in this time, in ways that many families never get to experience.

If you want to follow my mom's journey, you can find her on carepages.com by creating an account and searching for bethpolen.  We are hoping to inspire lots of people to join the national bone marrow registry at marrow.org...it's an incredibly easy process to donate...saving a life has never been so easy!

Happy Mother's Day!

To all the hot mama's out there...but especially to this hot mama!!!

Happy Earth Day!

Happy Earth Day!! I thought I would share the pretty cute Google Decorations in celebration of our Earth. 

The more exposure I have to cancers, illnesses, and ailments, I am reminded over and over again of how much we have polluted our beautiful planet.  Our industrialization, greed, and thoughtless actions have led to a sick planet and lots of sick people.  So what do we do now?

Well, we change.  "Be the change you wish to see in the world".  So, stop buying highly processed foods.  For example, pink slime, which is in most ground chuck, fast food meat, etc, is waste meat sterilized with AMMONIA.  Yeah, that's a known carcinogen.  So don't eat it.  Use your consumer power and put your money where your mouth is.

Grow your own food.  Help and support the initiatives of others to grow their own food.  Buy local, organic produce. 

A nutritionist once told me to only eat foods that are either organic or have less than 5 ingredients.  It's hard.  Try it. 

Consider your carbon footprint.  How do you get from a to b?  Who do you take with you? How can you be more environmentally friendly to protect the futures of your children and mine?

#225: The beauty that is spring time.  Blooming flowers, more sunshine, bright skies.

#226: The realization that I have so much to be grateful for.

#227: Being done with my first year of grad school.

#228: ALMOST done with my first semester of students.  Here's to hoping the grade whiners fizzle out. 

#229: Lots of relaxation time with family. 

#230: Two naps in one day.

#231: Getting closer to seeing the man I love.  Three weeks is simply too long.

#232: Clean laundry after six + plus weeks of not doing laundry.

#233: Puppy Cuddles

#234: Yoga

#235: Doing downward dog with Scarlet.  For reals.

#236: Great breakfasts with friends.  Saying goodbye isn't my fortay...but saying good luck is :)

#237: Music to match my mood.  Country music can put words to my feelings and emotions much better than I can.

#238: Baby smiles, baby giggles, baby cuddles, and simply baby time.

#239: Knowing that my words do not suffice in my expressions of love.

#240: Days off to sleep in, cuddle, relax, shop, and eat.

#241: Chocolate.  And LOTS of it.

#242: Bright Spring/Summer clothes!

#243: Bikini Season.  It's so dreaded for lots of (superficial) reasons.  But I am excited.  It means boating season. 

#244: Growth. 

#245: Love. Hugs.

Celebrate Earth Day however you want.  But think critically about how you treat your home.  And how you treat all of our futures. 

Students Teaching!

I complain about my students a lot.  Like all of the time, really.  But truth be told, I do really enjoy the thoughts, vigor, and passion that some of them have.  What causes me to complain so much is only the few that really do not own their education, and put the least amount of effort possible into this course.  The majority of my students, however, put lots of effort into their education, and into this course.

I have been grading final papers like a machine these past weeks, and I have found some absolutely awful papers and some phenomenal papers.  I have learned about sex trafficking, alcoholism, childbirth practices, drug use, postpartum depression, and lots more.  It has been insightful to see how these students are processing their environment, and the information they have been presented.

That being said..I can't wait to be DONE!!!
#223: I'm almost done grading papers.
#224: Monday mornings spent with Ellen.

Yoga

Since Colleen is peacing out to do Peace Corp things oh so soon, she has been doing some cool Ann Arbor bucket list things, including Yoga.  She looked up some different yoga places in town, and A2Yoga is awesome and lets you test out the center for a week before signing up for anything!!!  It's really great because we are getting to try several different types of yoga and learn lots before investing in a package!

We started with Vinyasa and did Anasura today.  I am doing Vinyasa again tomorrow, and on Tuesday we are hitting up a Nia class.  A2Yoga also has three FREE classes every week no matter what...SO cool.  I am really enjoying it thus far.  It's an incredible work out yet is also so calming at the same time.  I love it! 

I am also hoping that some Yoga classes at the Club will work with my schedule so I can keep reaping the benefits of free yoga classes, of course!

#218: Quiet weekends.
#219: Puppy cuddles, baby brother wrestling, and lazy saturdays.
#220: Sunday shopping trips for summer clothes, followed by warm sunshine.
#221: The winding down of the semester.  Every day seems closer to warm, long days full of shining sun and summer dresses.
#222: Grading will be done by the end of this week.  Countdown.

Easter Ache

I was able to spend a full Easter Weekend with this cutey...

Part of our weekend was spent in Dublin just chillin like villains, part was spent concert-ing in the cold outside, and part was spent with his family in Lebanon. 

What did we do during all parts of the weekend?  Eat.  In mass quantities.  It was gross.  And delicious.  So now I am feeling sluggish, icky, sick, full, and gross.  So what did I do today?  I ate more candy.  By the way...I never really eat candy, so it kills my body.  But anyways, yes.  Food. Lots of it. 

I am back on my workout regimine though and I am realizing more and more each day that I am expected to be in a bikini in less than three weeks.  WTF friends.  Maybe I should work out again.

#211: GSI offer came in today!  Yay for funding my education!
#212: My semester of craziness (not even comparable to the craziness I'll feel next year btw) is almost over! Yay for having a year of grad school and a semester of teaching under my belt!
#213: Facebook is creepy...but kinda cool sometimes.
#214: Moments of true connection with children.  Before school today, Anthony and I had quite the hugs, kisses and "i love you more" session.  It was beautiful.
#215: Incredible moments when I want to pinch myself to really believe that my life is my life.  I am blessed.  And grateful.
#216: Hope for warm weather this summer.
#217: Love. 

School of Social Work: A Year of Gratitude

If there is one thing I have learned in this beautiful building from some very smart people, it's that nothing can be taken for granted; information, people, what you read, what you see...none of it.  Everything has the potential to influence, and that influence can fall anywhere on the spectrum from good to bad.  I am learning about how everything can be a catalyst, and I choose how to handle that catalyst, and what to do with it.  And so do you. 

I am grateful for so many things about this year...and I want to share them with you...despite the fact that I still have a little less than 2 weeks to go in the semester (but all graded work is in....soooo it feels like it's over....)

#206: The people! Some of my colleagues have taught me more about my profession than I could have ever gotten from a book.  Not only that, but they have supported, encouraged, and challenged me in so many ways.  And they've been there for a beer when I really needed it..
#207: The professors!  Never have I encountered such a supportive teaching staff.  My professors have intelligence and clinical know-how like I had not encountered before....and yet they are also more available to their students than you could believe.  I am so grateful for their assistance in my education!
#208: The classes!  In undergrad, even if I enjoyed my classes, I still had to force myself to go.  So many people, so many classes, and so little impact on what I felt I wanted to do in the future.  Now, I like my classes (relative, of course).  I like my classmates.  And I like what I'm learning.  It is not only based in research/scientific evidence, but it is also practical and clinically minded. 
#209: The environment! I simply love the environment in which I learn.  The small classes, the comfy basement, and definitely the fact that I don't have classes all over campus.
#210: My placement! I can't communicate how much I have learned from my placement this year.  It has been rewarding, challenging, difficult, frustrating, and incredibly eye opening.  My supervisors have been great, and what I have learned from this experience has been indescribable. 

Brackets Dude

My interest (which I was VERY interested, actually) in March Madness completely disappeared on Saturday around 11 pm.  Why you may ask, well that is because my Buckeyes let a 13 point lead disappear.  But, alas, I still love them and am just glad I didn't go to New Orleans.  Because I would have been that much more disappointed!

So, no, I did not watch the championship game.  Well that's not actually completely true, because I was really pulling for Kentucky of course, I mean if my bucks are gone, better cheer for my houseboat neighbors' team.  But I wasn't watching it intently.  And I didn't really care.

Anyways, my bracket struggled all along, but really struggled after Saturday.  There's always next March, though! 

#201: Craft "pfft'ed" at the thought of leaving OSU for the pro's.  I love that we get him another year.
#202: OSU got recognition from several sports teams this weekend for being an always strong academic and athletic presence.
#203: By the way, I attend the number one social work school in the United States.  (brushing my shoulders off as I type).
#204: Clients making visible and obvious progress in treatment.  And the feeling of accomplishment at the sight of their joy and social engagement. 
#205: Puppies.  I love my scarlet doodle and my boom-dog.  And I love that they're always so excited to see me, no matter what. 

Autism Awareness Day

Just last week a report came out that found that 1/88 children is affected with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorders).  Researchers postulate that the dramatic increase is a result of better diagnostic tools, and our ever changing environment. 

My current internship has me working so closely with those with Autism and their families, and it is such a difficult disorder to treat.  Not because of the disorder, because I assure you that these kids are incredibly easy to love...but educating parents, peers, and the public about the disorder is so hard!  People are resistant to accommodating others.  Our culture is incredibly resistant to broadening the scope of "normal".  We refuse to normalize, for example, handicaps, mental impairments, mental health, homosexuality, and the list goes on.  Why?

With my students, the most important thing I tell them every week is to question everything you see, read, hear, and experience.  Question the status quo, question the way things are, and never take the tried and true phrase of "well that's just the way it is...." as a good enough explanation.  We decide our culture and societies' future.  And our generation can use this power for good, or we can choose to not take advantage of this power at all. 

So on this day, April 2, 2012, wear blue.  Celebrate the children with ASD.  Love on them.  And teach and educate the public about how we can widen our scope of normalcy to accommodate more people and children.

Anthony, my favorite 7 year old, taught me about how motivating the ever so popular fun. song can be.  He told me how proud he is of being young after belting out this song one morning.  Let's be proud of who we are in efforts of giving others the opportunity to be proud, as well.


In support of Autism Awareness, please support Judson Center Autism Connections by eating at Pizza House in Ann Arbor between 10:30 am Wednesday and 4 am Thursday.  Proceeds will help those with Autism attend summer camps and social skills groups. 

#191: Weekends with this really great man I know. 
#192: Cuddling with the cutest puppy around.
#193: The look on the boys' faces this morning when I walked in to their house.  Between dogs and kids, I always feel loved!
#194: Music to match my mood at any moment.
#195: Really good doctors, advanced medicine, and the ability to treat our loved ones.
#196: Gluten free, dairy free, corn free, egg free, nut free FOOD.  When it actually tastes good.
#197: This semester, and my entire first year of grad school, is almost over!  All graded work is turned in, just riding out the rest of classes
#198: Almost done with my students this round!  Ready for them to move on...not that I don't love (some of) them
#199: Comfy beds, warm blankets, warm sunshine, cuddles and lovin's
#200: Lots of things to look forward to this year.  I am excited for everyday.

Tornadoes

What a crazy winter we have had...and a crazy spring we are getting ready for. 

A couple weeks ago, the south was hit horribly by tornadoes.  You probably heard about a mother, on the news, who lost one leg and her other foot from protecting her children in her basement.  What's crazy is that that woman is the daughter of one of our houseboat neighbors.  Not only do we "know"her that way, but she also grew up with some of our Kentucky family in Frankfurt (as in the same neighborhood).


Today, Michigan was hit with some crazy, hellacious storms.  Dexter, MI which is about 20 minutes away was struck with tornadoes that completely leveled homes in a neighborhood where I have babysat before.  Other homes caught fire from lightning, other homes had siding stripped from them.  It was a disastrous site, and it reminds us of how powerful weather can be, and how quickly a beautiful day can become disastrous.

#185: Safety
#186: The ability to pray for safety, healing, comfort.
#187: First responders and their bravery
#188: Sacrifice.  Few stories rival the story of sacrifice that this mother paid for the safety of her babies.
#189: UM is now #1 for SW in the country
#190: The end of the semester is so close.  Thank God.

Parking Tickets

I think I live in the Parking Ticket Capital.  Last semester, I was averaging 2 parking tickets a week (which by the way, means that some weeks there were four and some weeks there were none).  This semester has been much better in that regard because I have been parking in the structure on my long days, and hopefully my other days are in the evening (holla to the gods making street parking free after 6!). 

What drives me crazy about Parking Tickets:
-- If I paid them within 48 hours, they'd be cheaper than the structure.
--When you park in free areas, but for longer than you're supposed to, the tickets are MORE expensive than if I didn't pay the meter. WTF.
--They charge a ridiculous convenience fee for paying online.  DumDums.
--I always seem to get tickets RIGHT before I get to my car.  My last one was written 4 minutes exactly before I got to my car.  Ridiculousness.


Anyways.  I am still grateful for some things..
#182: A car that gets me everywhere I need to go (ie school, work, my boyy, my friends, my vacations, etc).
#183: The ability to enjoy the city of Ann Arbor, parking tickets and all.
#184: The false sense of security that cops provide.  Even if it is false, I have never felt unsafe in Ann Arbor.

Missing in Action

I have been MIA because....

#174: A spring break seeing many faces!  I got to see Alex in Princeton, Merissa in NYC and Amanda in Boston.  It was a CRAZY long week but I am so glad I was able to see so many lovely friends in such a short amount of time :)
#175: A man in my life worthy of my time and my love.
#176: A graduate program that though draining, pushes and forces me to think critically about the world I live in.
#177: Quality time devoted to school work, and getting the most out of my two years in this incredibly insightful program.

#178: An opportunity to pursue my desired internship for next year...AND GETTING IT! (woot woot)
#179: Working with clients in the Livingston and Washtenaw counties.  It is challenging, hard, rewarding, and incredible.
#180: Endless opportunities to be humbled in this world.  Getting a reality check telling me I don't know everything, I am not perfect, and I am not superwoman is always hard and always needed. 
#181: Enjoying everyday life happenings is sometimes hard when I am so busy.  Prioritizing daily activities by musts, needs, and optionals has changed my world!

Here's to hoping your February ended on a positive note, and your March began on a good note!

Screwed

Flu may boost Alzheimer's risk, research suggests

Screwed. Not the good kind. The bad kind.

Check out this article, the one that has now linked the flu to Alzheimer's.

Lucky for me, research finds correlations, not causations (usually).  So maybe I will be an outlier.  I hope the same for any of you flu-getters, too!

#171: I am young enough that cures, vaccines, and treatments will improve in my lifetime.
#172: I am healthy enough to life a long life.
#173: Research leads to lots of positive things like better treatments, early detection, and complete prevention.

Happy 200!

Welcome to my 200th post, world!

#165: making it to 200 is impressive because I don't like sticking with things.
#166: hot tea for a sore throat.
#167: puppy cuddles on a sick day
#168: the opportunity and freedom to say "i love you" whenever i want.
#169: giggling is appropriate, cherished, allowed, and revered in my country.
#170: summer clothes shopping has now been made possible since our clothing stores like to start seasons WAY in advance

We have discussed politics, religion, love, death, gratitude, and yes, even underwear.  You have learned about my joys and my sorrows, my friends and my family.  But really, all of us are still pretty unsure about what this blog's purpose really is. 

Mostly, it serves as on outlet for my political, feminist, and liberal ideas.  Not only that, but it allows me to discuss current events, be radical, or just be personal and fluffy (ie, underwear).  I share my life with the goal of impacting anothers'.

I have readers all around the world, and what I love about that is when they contact me...which is oh so seldom, I might add.  Honestly, I used to think that my international readers were simply computers or creepy silly robots.  And maybe some of them are.  But others are women (and men) who somehow (I don't know how) came across my blog full of rants.

One woman emailed me and thanked her for offering a woman's perspective on violence.  She said that where she is from violence is expected for women.  It is never talked about, and never a crime.  She said she dreams of a life where those who hurt her friends (and her) can be punished for what they do....let's dream of that with her.

I tell you this story mostly because I need to think of my rants and raves as serving a purpose.  I may talk about underwear some days, and the Kardashians on others.  But what truly matters is that a single life, even if only one, has been touched by something on this silly blog.

The personal is political.

 

Victoria's Secret

I love Victoria's Secret.  Not because of anything other than the fact that they have great sales ALL the time, send me free underwear, and oh yeah, they make my favorite underwear....Remember?  But what I don't realize about Victoria's Secret is that it must sell more for Valentine's Day than for anything else.  How do I know this? I made the mistake of going on Valentine's Day because I needed a pick-me-up and buying underwear is just that!

Things that I saw:
- There were more men buying lingerie than women.  Actually there were only 2 women other than me in the store.  The PACKED store.
- This tells us two things: men procrastinate, and men buy women lingerie for Valentine's Day
- There was a high-school aged couple shopping for lingerie....TOGETHER.  So so so awkward.  I would never do that even if I had a ring to legitimize the activity.  Just too much scandalousness, and awkwardness, and she was asking if he could come in the dressing room with her and just gross.
- What this tells us is that high schoolers have no fear.  Brighton is tiny.  They could have ran in to teachers, parents, friends, anyone!
- The store was incredibly picked over.  Even my underwear choices were limited.
- This tells us that it had been a busy week for this establishment.
- Their swim suit tops don't come in Large in the store or in extra large at all.
- I can't wear swim suits.

#160: Grateful for shopping experiences
#161: Grateful for good laughs
#162: Grateful for good conversations that are longer than you realize
#163: Grateful for UHS and free health services.
#164: Grateful for doctors who are proactive and nice.

Happy (Day After) Valentine's Day!

I'm always a day late and a dollar short (Yay for using phrases correctly!).  But regardless, I hope you felt and experienced a LOT of love yesterday! 

Valentine's Day has lovers and haters...but I feel like I exist somewhere in between.  There is no need for a day to tell your loved one's you love them if you do that on a regular basis...but at the same time, it gives us an excuse to be extra lovey and extra celebratory!

But while you all thought it was Valentine's Day yesterday...it was actually this chicks birthday!  Happy Birthday to a truly amazing woman!  I love our coffee dates, our hang outs, our talks, and your hugs.  You're a great friend...and I am crazy about your life.  Thanks for allowing me to be a part of it :)


And look at this cutie!  It had been way too long, my dear Lisa.  Hope you know how much I enjoy smiling with you, laughing with you, and talking with you. 



#151: People love me.  A lot.  And that is an incredible thing.
#152: I love a lot of people.  And I love them passionately.  And want nothing but happiness for them ALL.
#153: Anthony told me I was the best Valentine.  And he tells me he loves me everyday I see him.  When a 7 year old loves you unconditionally...it kinda rocks your world.
#154: Gracious professors and supervisors make being sick a little less miserable.  Hoping for a speedy recovery so I can get back on the bandwagon of working hard.
#155: I'm so glad that I have been blessed with two parents who love eachother lots.
#156: I've been blessed by this one guy a lot lately.  And it's kinda the most magical experience I've had.
#157: My heart is full of gratitude and love.  I feel full with joy and full of smiles. 
#158: I love walking across campus and running in to people I know, love and miss.  Yeha....I loved seeing you yesterday!
#159: I have so many more years (decades) before I get to 1000...but I simply am so excited!

Days Off

#147: Days off, at home, are few and far between.  I am grateful for a FULL Friday and Saturday of laying around, catching up on sleep, hittin the gym, and attempting to catch up on homework.
#148: Speaking of the gym...it had been awhile.  Grateful to go to a gym with LOTS of windows that overlook a beautiful lake..
#149: A non-frozen lake, may I add!! The weather in Michigan has been incredible.  Sunny, bright, and not freezing!!
#150: Though grading papers is sucking the life out of me, I am making progress!

Today I really realized how incredible my life truly is.  I was reminded of all of the privilege that I experience on a daily basis.  In sections last we, my students discussed whether or not they could be grateful for the privileges they have.  I think we can be grateful...but part of that gratitude has to translate in to working to help ALL people experience these privileges. 

So on a beautiful day like today, I spent time reflecting on how I dream of a day that your access to education, high paying jobs and health care no longer depends on your ethnicity, race, geographic location, or your gender.  I am working towards this dream by educating you all on the fact that these things DO impact access to resources and opportunities...

Check out the video series Unnatural Causes if you don't believe me...

This is but the trailer to six hours of research...

Planned Parenthood vs Susan G Komen

It all began just a few days ago when Susan G Komen spokewoman announced that as of April 1, 2012, Planned Parenthood would receive no funding from their organization.

Then the country cried out on behalf of the women that are served by Planned Parenthood.  And videos like this were created...

And women and men around the country used their voices to support such a powerful organization. 

And Then...articles like this came out today.  Komen came back and said that PP will still be eligibale for grants, even if they don't receive them.  Still shitty, really, but a better move.  The best part was that they admitted to falling in to the political warfare rather than supporting women. 

#141: Women should not be stigmatized for having sex.  It's a part of life.  I am honored to go to class every day with the people in the video above. 
#142: I like that we can laugh while we fight for the cause of women's health.  "Don't fuck with 'em, Don't fuck without 'em"
#143: A day off to enjoy being lazy and get caught up has been incredible. 
#144: While I am struggling to get through all of my grading...I recognize how grateful I am for playing a huge role in these students' academic careers. 
#145: Feeling honored, loved, cherished today.
#146: My snickerdoodle is one year old today!!!!!!  I love this puppy so much :)

Boyne Highlands--Ski Trip in 15 Hours

I haven't skied  since my helicopter ride off the mountain in Saas Fe, Switzerland [which was, by the way, the first time I had ever skied].  My baby brother is on the ski team at Brighton and loves it..and with his skiing, my parents have to cart him all over Michigan for various competitions.  This past weekend, they were at Boyne Highlands and Chris and I decided to tag along...

Now let me just say that I don't actually know what I'm doing while I'm skiing and I hate going fast (in cars, boats, skis, what have you) so I am basically terrified the entire time the skis are on my feet.  BUT I also kinda love it.  I love the feeling of going down the mountain, and I love seeing the really good skiers and the REALLY REALLY tiny little babies that can ski better than they can talk. 

Boyne was absolutely gorgeous, and the drive up there was incredibly beautiful as well.  I highly recommend going :)  I find myself falling more and more in love with this state as I realize more and more that it is simply not where I am meant to live....I promise that isn't as confusing as it sounds...

What I learned in Boyne:
#136: Babies/Toddlers are people, but really small people that struggle to put words to their emotions.  Because of this, parents become frustrated easily.  My dad thinks this is okay, though, because it makes the parent feel better, and the child won't remember and then the padre can go home to his wife happy.  Not violent.
#137: My brother is becoming less of a baby in some ways, but more of a baby in others.  I guess it is his process of growing up...and growing up with so many adults who constantly have opinions on your actions. 
#138: I don't miss being a teenager at all.  And I definitely don't miss feeling like I have to fit a certain mold to be accepted.
#139: As independent as I like to think I am, I still need help all the time; with buttoning my helmet, putting on shoes, putting on mittens, and getting up when I fall down.  It may irk my independent side to admit I need help...but it's also nice knowing people will be there to help me when I ask.
#140: You're never too old for a lesson in humility.  Fall off a chair lift, then come talk to me about how cool you are.

Joy

#131: such an amazing thing it is that we, as Americans, can travel within our own country (state, too) and experience so many climates, terrains, and weather elements.
#132: family is a blessing not a guarantee. Grateful for mine.
#132: getting to spend time with children. They're goofy, silly, funny, and always changing.
#133: nothing better than a baby lighting up at the sight of you. Grateful to not just be a babysitter, but an integral part of the development of a child (children).
#134: school! I love school, learning, opening my mind, and learning from my peers.
#135: cars! My little red engine that could has over 20,000 miles on it now! It's fun to think of all of the places I have gone in those 20,000 miles :)

Body Image

Have you ever thought about why women are so much more likely to develop an eating disorder than men are? What made this to be?

In Women's Health, I ask my students to consider where they learned about being a woman and where they learned about what "good" women look like. Most students report that they learn these things from the media, magazines, Victoria's secret and other fashion stores. If this is true, what do these places teach us?

To be sexy, to congratulate being dangerously thin, to be scantily clad and to present your body as a pleasure island for the men around you.

We congratulate people for losing weight without knowing how they're going about losing the weight. You don't have to be 70 lbs to be anorexic. Yet we never question the healthiness of our means because being thin is so important.

I have skipped meals, skipped weeks of eating and have stood in front of mirrors for hours marking every imperfection. My teenage years are a blur of disappointment. My body was never good enough for me, so seeing that it was good enough for men was my only boost of self confidence.

I tell you this because I am taking a political stand for the bodies of women and for the health of women. It is not about being liberal or conservative, but instead about wanting all women to love the way they look, an celebrate other women for how they look, too.

Use your voice. The personal is political.

Feminism

I am loving teaching...seriously.  And what I am loving the most is seeing the wheels in the minds of so many start to turn; grasping the concepts of feminism and grasping how feminism has, and will continue to, impact their lives.

So few people truly understand what feminism is, and what it represents.  It has a reputation of standing for man-hating, femi-nazi's, and wanting women to rule the world...when in reality feminism represents a fight for equality, for all people based on gender, sex, sexual orientation, race, SES and more.  Feminism represents the voice of so many, and has been the movement that has made voting by females possible, reproductive choice possible, and has allowed women to enter the workforce. 

Some of my students are so tied to the social constructed gender norms for men and women, and watching their walls come down surrounding this is incredibly rewarding.  Men don't have to be the bread winners, and women are not made for nurturing and mothering alone.  We all have gifts, talents, and dreams...and who we are on paper should never stop us from achieving our dreams!

#124: I am proud to be a feminist, and grateful to live in a time and country where saying that does not put me in danger.
#125: Grateful for my role in opening the minds of so many. 
#126: Loving the fact that my students were emailing me about the Roe anniversary this weekend.  Proud moments.
#127: Excited for the day where shame behind feminism, abortion and women's rights disappears.
#128: Male feminists are sexy.  Grateful they exist.
#129: Freedom to be the woman I want to be is huge.  I am always worried about becoming too domesticated or too stereotypically womanly...but in reality I am free to be who I want to be...and if I love children, cooking, cleaning, laundry, working, and playing...well so be it :)
#130: Free Speech

Unexpected

Life throws curve balls and surprises on a daily basis, and I am finding myself more and more open to these curve balls.

Everyone always says that good things happen when you least expect them, and I am starting to believe that they were all right.  I can't express how grateful I am for my life, my freedoms, and my joys.  And knowing that all of these things are blessings and not entitlements make me feel that much more lucky!

#119: Today marks the 49th anniversary of Roe v Wade.  Thankful for my rights to choice, my right to privacy and the right to decide my own future! 
#120: Thankful for the fact that I am loved by so many, cared for by so many, and appreciated by so many.
#121: Scarlet Doodle is such a blessing for my life!  I love having her to greet me when I get home ... and every time I come down the stairs.
#122: Comfy beds, comfy pillows, and comfy covers have gotten me through this weekend.
#123: Plans.  You all know I'm a planner, and I love having things to look forward to.

Plans

I love making plans.  Know what making plans means? WRITING THINGS IN MY AGENDA!!

Though this is true, I feel I may be slightly addicted to planning every moment of my life.  I write down (in my head for sure, if not on paper/my phone) all of the steps of my life...waking up, getting my bag ready, being here at noon, there at one... it's obsessive...

To give you some insight...all of my weekends from the first weekend of January until the third weekend in March is planned.  Though there may a few hours here and there unclaimed, they are largely planned and written in my planner.  Which is both confining and exhilarating!

#114: Feeling positive about school, positive about life, and positive about work...all at the same time..
#115: Finally feeling like I am getting a hang of learning student name
#116: Job searching for 2013 isn't near as stressful as those looking for jobs in 2012.  Because 2012 is today.
#117: Dreams.  Dreaming of my future. My life. My present.
#118: My family.  I love coming home to them, and I love enjoying their quirks.


Off to make more plans...

Little or Plenty

I have realized of late that people talk of things in terms of their lives being full of things or void of things....
   
               I have NO money, but SO much to pay for...
                  I have SO much to be grateful for but SO few people to enjoy life with....
                       I have NO goals, but I have SO many desires....

What has shaped our culture in to thinking of things in terms or a lot and a little? 

It bugs me.  Lots.  Because though I could vent to you (guilty) of things I don't have enough of, isn't that complaining, or the absence of gratitude?

#109: Feeling blessed, thankful, and joyful.
#110: Seeing friends that I love and haven't seen often enough. 
#111: Safety.  Driving all day in rain, sleet, snow, ice and wind has made me grateful for my safe arrival home.
#112: The chance to disagree.  The freedom, rather, to disagree.
#113: Teaching.  It has brought countless challenges, numerous trials, and plenty of headaches...but I love the challenge, the discussions, and the insight some of my students have.
#114: Smiles.  Smiling myself and seeing smiles on the faces around me.

Disconnected to be Connected

A new game is going viral...and it's awesome!

At dinner with friends or family, place all of your phones in the center of the table.  Leave the ringers on and listen to all of the buzzing and ringing.  The first person to go for their phone has to front the entire bill.  If everyone wins (no one grabs their phone) the bill is split!

I feel challenged to do this!  Who's comin to dinner with me?!

Welcome Back!

Back to classes, back to interning, starting teaching! Such a busy day!!

I hope those of you still on break enjoy it...and those of you in the working world don't hate me when I say my break wasn't long enough!

Still sleepy but eager to get this semester started.  I am excited about my classes and about all of the things I will be learning this semester.  It's crazy to think of how much I learned and grew last semester, and I am simply looking forward to where I'm headed this semester.  Having awesome friends to help me handle the stressful responsibilities is essential, and I'm grateful for their role in my life. 

As I start back in school I am also left thinking about what my life will look like at the end of this semester.  I would have never imagined myself at this point 4 months ago, but I am incredibly eager to see how this semester continues to shape me.  What about our education changes and shapes us?  And why is it that knowledge and understanding can change our minds so full-heartedly?

Even things like working out; what makes me motivated to go to the gym four times in one week versus four times in two months.  Or what changed my mind about my career goals?  Or what changed my mind about political stances?  

Enjoy this fourth day of 2012, friends.  And continue to ponder what leads you to change, and what leads you to mind-change and growth.