Splurge

I talk about my food allergies often, or at least I know I've mentioned them several times.  It's almost been a YEAR since I started...I can't believe it!!  Though I have cheated here and there occasionally (not near as much as I thought I would), rarely do I have entire days where I neglect the diet altogether.  Actually I think today is the FIRST time I have eaten whatever I wanted.

Why today? Well a few things.  Being on steroids 4x a day and 2 antibiotics 2x a day each means that your tummy gets WAY bloated.  I can't simply eat yogurt and I refuse to take more medicine.  SO..I pigged out.  Hard core.

At orientation (post to come) today, I had some turkey, a piece of cheese and chips.  I could have the turkey and chips, not the cheese.

When I got home, my mother and I (she cheated too) had Chinese food.  General Tso's Chicken...my all time favorite.  It wasn't near as good as China Gate's but it was decent.  It had rice (woot), broccoli (safe), but the breaded chicken was a no-no. 

THEN I went to work this afternoon and they wanted to treat me to dinner with their family! It was my last day for the summer, and we went to an amazing Mexican restaurant called Rojo in the Fountain Walk in Novi, MI.  It was delicious.  There, I ate corn chips, guacamole (which I actually liked.  AND can eat; shocker), a bite of cheese dip (delicious, but wanted to save the calories), enchiladas (corn, wheat, cheese, fail) and had an amazing margarita. 

I still hadn't met my 5000 calorie goal (just kidding.  not a goal and I probably had met it) so I had some ice cream, too.

Needless to say, I feel like I've gained literally 10 pounds, feel puffy and bloated, crampy and uncomfortable, and am thinking this night will be accompanied by many trips to the bathroom. 

SO worth the great food though, seriously. 

Hurricane Irene

Since I've been sick all weekend and have done little more than lay around for the past 72+ hours, I have watched loads of broadcasts focusing on Hurricane Irene.  I am watching some at the moment, actually, and they're showing the crazy amounts of flooding and devastation that has hit New England hard.

Something that has been bugging me is that I keep reading things on facebook about how over-hyped the storm was.  First of all, why would you EVER complain about a storm being not as strong as originally feared? Second, was it really over-hyped?

5 million + people are without power
37 people CONFIRMED dead (more are missing)
Every major road in VT is damaged
New England flooding is worse than it ever has been

I don't know about you, but that doesn't sound pleasant to me.  So yeah, it could have been worse...things can ALWAYS be worse.  But why don't we celebrate the evacuation plans that helped keep that death toll to what it is currently instead of whining about it being over kill?

Cancer Sucks Ass like Woah

I'm having trouble thinking of someone who has not been touched by cancer in the form of a parent, grandparent, friend or distant relative.  My grandmother, a woman I miss on a daily basis, think of often, and attribute many of my accomplishments, lost her battle to cancer after several years of kicking its ass.  My mother was diagnosed over two years ago, and is doing better today than anyone thought she'd be doing.  My aunt was diagnosed in 2004, and while she told the "C" word where to go she was raising 2 great girls and working full time (no joke).  A family friend defeated a form of Leukemia that few manage to fight off.  And currently, my grandfather is rocking at telling his cancer where to go. 

Of course there are more family friends, numerous current and past neighbors, kids I went to school with, and parents of friends of mine that have also had to fight this disease.  I have seen so many people experience both the patient side and the care giving side.  After you've done one side, you never want the other.  The reality is that many people have experienced both.

 

Not only did this video make me cry, but it also made me realize the fear that I have towards cancer.  I hate thinking about it, I hate talking about it, and I hate knowing that there are people everywhere dealing with it in some form or another.  

It's kind of how I am with car accidents, really.  I am completely terrified of car accidents (though I enjoy driving, kind of).  I was almost in an accident last monday (I wasn't driving) and it was incredibly difficult to hold it together.  I cried the whole drive home (after getting in my car) and didn't sleep at all that night.  I had nightmares and kept seeing flashes from the various accidents I've been in.  I've often said that I really don't think my psyche could handle surviving another serious car crash.  It's just too much to already know that I walked away from two could-have-been-deadly crashes.

With cancer, I feel like I've been "lucky" in some ways.  My mom's cancer is rare, fast, aggressive and hard to beat.  But she did with flying colors.  And almost 2 years of clean PETs are unheard of, yet she just keeps rockin' each one.  My grandma lost her battle in the end, but I had some of the most amazing conversations with her while she was still alive through her illness.  Ones I wouldn't trade for the world.  My aunt fought cancer like it was no biggie, trudged through it like a rockstar.  So many people I know have survived...so eventually that has to end, right?  I hate hearing of new cases because if they pass away it makes me realize that I'm going to have to experience that again, too.  If they survive, it makes me feel like the good luck is going to run out sooner or later.

Let me know what you think of the song.  How do you view cancer?  Is it scary or just part of life?

My Pneumonia and Me

So I mentioned a few days ago that I was sick...and not feeling too hot.  Well I'm pretty sick.  And still not feeling too hot.

I went to the doctor a couple days ago, my pulse-ox was only 91, I had a really low peak flow and couldn't stop coughing.  They said it was bronchitis, put me on Zpak and prednisone and let me on my way.

Well a few days later I start to get worried because I'm getting worse, not better, and after talking to my asthma doctor (who scolded me and told me to go to an ER right away), I did end up going to an ER.  Which is in Brighton, where I was in a room, had tests done, and had seen my doctor within 20 minutes. 

not mine...but what the xrays look like. 

They did some x-rays, gave me IV steroids and antibiotics.  They also did lots of blood work and I had 2 breathing treatments.  I was going to sleep there, because that was what was recommended...but being there was just as miserable as being at home and they don't really let you sleep.  So I went home. 

Today, my x-ray was evaluated by a radiology tech.  I have pneumonia.  For the record, in my 22nd years of life, I have had pnuemonia 3 times now.  So when your children are offered the vaccine, stop being dumb and thinking they're linked to asbergers and autism (they aren't) and give them the vaccine.

Now, I'm at home with vick's vapor rub on my chest, drinking water and juice and mountain dew (caffeine helps asthma), watching TV and lying in bed trying not to move (lots of pain from the fluid in my lungs).  No one is home so it's oober boring.  I'm on 4 prescriptions and also have meds to help with my fever, cough and asthma.

Now it's a waiting game.  If I'm not better by Monday, it's back to the ER for me.  Why isn't there a quick fix to this?

I know I get sick often, but usually it's allergy related.  This is AWFUL.  Way worse than the Swine of 09, people. WAY WAY worse. 

Daddy's and Daughters

I love my dad; like woah.  He's pretty funny, really.  Tries to be a hard ass but can't do anything about how mushy and soft he has gotten in his old age.  He drinks wine, loves boats and has done so so much for his family.  It is because of him that I'm stubborn, independent, have seen the world, and will never settle for anything less than what I want AND deserve. 

I also love country music.  There is just something about the emotion in it, and all of the stories that the songs tell.  There are soo many songs about love, family, life and the roller coaster journey of trials.  There is one out right now by Trace Adkins called Just Fishin (i think).  It's about how he takes his daughter fishing, and while she views it as fishing alone, it is really about making memories with her papa bear. 

The song means so much to me, I think, because fishing and boating has been a huge part of my relationship with my padre.  It's the only place (boating that is) where my family can relax together.  It's the one place my dad truly enjoys being, and having all of us there, he'll tell you it's stressful, but in reality he loves it.  And I have text-proof of this. 

I'm incredibly grateful for my parents, and for what they've been able to bless our family with.  I love him for all that he has given up in his life for us and all that he continues to do to provide for our happiness and well being.  I would NEVER trade my fishing memories in for anything, they've helped me become who I am today. 

Loss

Read this article.  I'm serious.  I cried. 

I think part of why I cried is because of what it symbolizes to me.  Dogs love their owners, so unconditionally.  Think of pets that are tortured, as soon as you offer a kind word they are warmed back up to you and want nothing but your love.  This dog loved his father, and is heartbroken about his loss.

What about people?  Do people truly grasp this emotion; the emotion of loss?  Experiencing a death of a loved one is nothing you can prepare yourself for.  I don't care if it's sudden or gradual, it hurts the same and the uncomfortability of not being able to call that person/smell them/hear them/see them makes the reality incredible unbearable.  There are still moments when I lose my breath thinking about my grandmother, or about what a family I used to know experienced when a mother lost her son.  Loss is powerful.  It draws people closer, makes people irrational, makes people act out of character, and makes many realize things about their life they want to change, enhance or let go by the wayside.

How has loss affected your life?

Six Hours 'til Go

It is currently 12:21 on Thursday night (technically Friday morning but that's dumb because I haven't gone to sleep yet).

Well I officially have bronchitis.  In the dead of summer. What.The.Hell.  During the day I don't feel too bad, still coughing but it's a dry cough and not too ache-y or wheeze-y.  Night time is another story.

The Problem...

Night Time: Wheezing, difficulty getting a full breath, very light headed, CRAZY low peak flows (for you asthma illiterates, a peak flow measures lung function by blowing in to it.  It gives you a read out that lets you know how your lungs are doin.  My personal best is around 400.  My normal day is around 375.  I just took it and it was 225.  For those literate in asthma, you know how uncomfortable that is), and a wicked chest/productive cough that cough medicine, inhalers and cough drops don't even touch.

So what's a girl to do in this dilemma...the dilemma of being crazy busy yet being exhausted from being sick?  Tomorrow I have a PET scan at 7am (hence the 6 hours), a dr's appointment at 12:15, am working at 1 and my day will be done around 8:30.  I can't sleep of course because I'm uncomfortable and miserably coughing with every intake of oxygen.  So, alas, I'm facebooking and watching the Tonight Show hoping Jay Leno does headlines. 

Too bad I'm not this cute when I'm sick...

Thank you to the wonderful Yeha (she's a blogger, too...just on hiatus) for making me smile, at least, tonight!!!  She brought back to life a post she had put on my wall the Summer of 08 (a rough but learning roller coaster ride in Jackie History) about her beginning at U of M.  She was dreading North Campus...and look at where she is now!!  God has used her gifts tremendously.  And as selfish as this sounds, if she was placed on NC just for me, it would not have been a waste...seriously. 

Off to cough, TV watch, and drink fluids. 

Internship Drama

As part of my MSW program, I have to have an internship for an insane amount of hours per year.  It comes down to 16/week...but when you are also working and taking 5 classes a week...life seems daunting. 

I'm not worried about the time commitment of the internship, but I did not have one locked in place until about a week ago.  Because of that, I'm running around like crazy getting background checks, TB tests, and thousands of other documents put together.  I'm not getting paid for the position, yet I'm doing more to lock this position in place than I did to get into Grad School (no joke).  It's absurd.

Off to fill out more paperwork...

p.s. since when did organizations make people pay for their own background checks?  And when have you ever needed THREE written recommendations for a VOLUNTEER position? WTF.

Lesson Learned

This blog post will make you both cringe and laugh.  Have fun.

So at Amanda's Bachelorette party I danced a lot a lot.  And one particular man found my dancing to be appealing enough to approach me and basically beg for my number (not sure what that says about my dancing).  At first I said no, tried to explain I wasn't from around Royal Oak, etc etc.  Then he told me that he would travel long distances for a girl like me, mentioned all kinds of quite convincing lines and I eventually gave it to him, thinking that a. he'd NEVER call (who calls people they meet in bars) and b. if he does I'll ignore.

And that I did! He texted me three days after, (at Amanda's wedding) and I ignored the messages.  Deleted them and never responded.  Then a couple days later he texted again, I didn't recognize the number so I responded asking who it was.  Then we some how got into a text-conversation that ended with him asking to go out sometime.  I cancelled (work related) on him the first time but rescheduled for last night. 

Let's just say I have learned my lesson.  I came fully prepared for all scenarios; the creep who wants my pants off, the weirdo who drinks a lot, the old boring types.  He was the later.  Seriously.  Old.  Definitely closer to my parents age than mine (30s, 40s maybe?) and he was just so boring.  We talked the whole time but he's sooo mellow it was painful.  Then he mentioned, at one point, that he hated hyper people.  I probably blushed because he has NO idea who I am. hahah.

We FINALLY left (which was sooo awkward) and I find him walking straight for me...like he just keeps walking into me.  He doesn't try and kiss me though so I assume he's hugging me, so I ended up receiving the most limp, awkward, dead man hug in my much shorter life. 

On the way home I called Lisa to report all of the awkwardness to her.  It was excrutiating really.  We decided that I need to think of a fake number to hand out.  I can't do it on the spot...my answer would be 333 7777.  And I need to come up with a couple reasons to hand out my real number (only if...x, y, z).  Lastly, I need to make sure to see the person in some sort of light because old guys can look cute in the dark when you can't tell how old they are. 

Schedule

Fall is approaching.  Know how I know that?  HOUSEBOAT IS SO CLOSE!! I am going this weekend.  And for 5 days over Labor Day.  I can't flipping wait.  Seriously.  I want the sunshine on my cheekies and to walk the dock and feel cool and completely content with life.  I can't wait.

It also means that I'm approaching freak out mode about time, classes, money, scheduling work, etc etc.  I am going to have no free time.  And I am determined to keep up my time at the gym (keep up as in keep my ever so infrequent sightings at the gym consistent) but am utterly clueless on how to get there before 9pm when they close.  Sure I'm free at 2am every night...but that does nothing for me!  Plus I've heard sleep is good for grades, health, and overall happiness.  To be confirmed though.

My biggest problem is learning how to say NO.  Just because I'm offered a job doesn't mean I have to take it.  Just because I need money doesn't mean I can work.  Just because I have 30 minutes doesn't mean I should be filling that 30 minutes with something. 

Lessons are being learned, friends.  Tis the purpose of life to learn lessons, to love and to never stop adventuring. s

Pictures Worth 1000 Words

Survival of the Financially Wise

The stock market is psycho.  We're experiencing economic times similiar to those experienced in 1929.  And the American dollar (and credit rating) is becoming rather worthless.

What does this all mean for me? You?  For one thing, it means that taking out money for student loans is quite terrifying.  My interest rate is pretty high because of how many loans of other people have gone unpaid or are in default.  What if the rate gets higher?  What if subsidized loans become nonexistant?

My degree will allow me to get a job starting with a salary around $70k.  That is if the market in this field continues to remain strong for 2 more year.s  Also will require me to be flexible with location.  What if I fall in love and have to stay in Michigan?  Well then I'll make around $50...which I could make without going to school.  So how do I rationalize going to grad school and pissing away $48,000?  Granted I have a tiny scholarship and some subsidized loans, most of this will be borrowed and will have to be paid back.  What if I can't find a job? What if I get sick?

So what makes sense?  I am currently trying to decide if I want to take out an unsubsidized loan for the Fall term this year.  I don't "need" it because I can use my savings to cover whatever my subsidized loans don't cover.  But what about the necessary emergency fund everyone talks about?  Money is stressful.  Why the hell don't I have stock in gold?

Not so Peeceful

My family is big on hydration.  Tummy ache, you're dehydrated.  Toe ache, you're dehydrated.  Headache, you're dehydrated. 





We're so big on hydration that when I had the Swine of 09, my father failed to bring me supplies such as cough medicine, cough drops, tissues, etc etc.  He did however, bring me a costco pack of bottled water, though i hate bottled water....  And he simply chucked it into my apartamento...The Swine of 09 was quite contagious.

That being said, I pee lots.  Two nights ago, I peed FOUR times throughout the night...so inconvenient.  Last night was three...still not peaceful sleep.  I like being hydrated, it's true.  But I hate waking up in the night to take a wiz. 

Funny Story

I love Ann Arbor.  Great, eccentric people and great shops/bars/walking.  It's beautiful in the summer time; if you haven't spent a summer in Ann Arbor...get on it in a hurry.

I was down there last night to meet Leslie for a drink...woot, I've missed that girl like cray cray.  Anywho, I was stopped at a stop sign (4 way stop) and was letting a guy walk across the street.  The entire time he was crossing he had his eyes locked on me...the whole time...until suddenly...he ran into a guy on his bike.

Then he fell and his eyes were no longer on me but he was ridiculously sprawled on the ground with his victim.  The bike rider was pissed to say the least and yelled at him quite loudly.  I, of course, laughed lots and then sped away.  I wanted nothing to do with that brawl, obviously. 

All of my Children

I nanny.  A lot.  For a lot of people.  And I love these kids.  These are the children I see the most.  [Not pictured: Anthony]

Nannies are like heroes, for the difference that they make...For   investing more than hours, for giving more than they take.

Thank you to our nanny, who gives her life each day...
In service to our children, to show them a better way.

Motivation

Help a sista out.

I hate working out.  Like fo reals.  I like it sometimes...for example, I love swimming so getting ready to swim isn't as hard as getting ready to run or do any other activities.  I have so many free opportunities to work out though.  During the school year U of M has 3 gyms I can use for free and all of the time, the gym at Oak Pointe is available to me (parents are members).  It sucks that I am not motivated because I should be.

But what motivates other people?  I fit in my clothes and I'm definitely not in a gaining weight pattern.  No one has told me I need to work out recently.  I have no registrations for races coming up.  Summer/Bikini season is almost over anyways.  I don't have a guy I need to impress (how sad is that this is on the list of reasons that could potentially motivate me).

she's fit. jealous..no. why am i not jealous!!

Truth be told...I DO NEED TO WORKOUT.  I may not be overweight at all, but I am definitely not in shape.  My muscle tone is gone and I just look kinda flabby.  I miss being muscular and strong, and it would be nice to actually be in shape.  My goal is not to lose weight, but to be more fit and healthy.  But it takes so much to get me out the door (or in my basement, since there is basically a full gym in my house too). 

What motivates you? How do you get to the gym?

Assumptions

Remember my post on Friends With Benefits?  Well after talking with my friend Merissa I have new insights on this topic.

There are so many phrases that circulate that have something to do with relationships: hook ups, FWB, dating, seeing someone, casual dating, one night stand and the list goes on and on.  What do they all mean?  How are they initiated?  How are you viewed within the context of each one?

the dating world:

We started talking about how difficult it is to know what you want your relationship with someone to look like after just meeting them.  Say you hit it off with a guy, and would like to see him again.  Well if you contact him he assumes you're being clingy and thinks you are in love with him...when in reality maybe you just want to be friends, or even FWB.  If he knew the truth would that change his response (blowing you off or ignoring you?).  If you want casual sex and you're a girl...how are you viewed?  Likely like a slut.  Which seems kind of ridiculous. 

If you want a relationship...you're clingy and annoying.

well that's cute.

How the HELL are we supposed to know how to respond?  Is it that hard to meet someone, become friends and see where it leads?  When did communicating get so damn hard?

Tummy Ache

By now you know (either from my blog or the 200 pictures I posted on facebook) that Amanda's wedding was last weekend.

After Sunday night we got back to the hotel around 1:30 and we were starving...so we drove (not me, I was still drinking.  Denise drove) to McDonald's.  I had been doing SO well with sticking to my allergy diet...and hadn't cheated at the wedding, bachelorette party or rehearsal dinner (to my knowledge).  Well I cheated..majorly at McDonald's.

I hadn't had a cheeseburger, milkshake or their fries in 9 months...So that's exactly what I ordered.  To be honest, I only had 2 sips of my shake and didn't finish my burger.  It was SO sweet and SO salty.  I couldn't handle the grease.

I woke up that night with the WORST stomach ache and have had a tummy ache ALL week and have had horrible migraines all week too...basically, cheating is NOT worth it. 

FWB

Last week I drove to Ann Arbor to pick up my lovely friend Lisa (heyy girl) so we could go see Friends with Benefits.  Since first seeing the preview for this movie I was oh so excited..and knew I could only see it with her for various reasons :)  I saw No Strings Attached not long ago and thought they'd be quite similar given the plot of the movies being nearly identical, but it turned out that FWB was a lot cuter and No Strings Attached has a lot more sex in it.

Being a movie with Justin Timberlake I knew it'd be cute...and that it'd also be misleading to millions of women around the world...and I was oh so right.  It definitely sparked a gazillion of thoughts in my head though. 

Why do we have to be in serious relationships for both physical and emotional intimacy?  Are those not the relationships that we're most hurt by?  Rarely have I been hurt by someone who I have not actively chosen to give my heart to...so why is it that being friends with benefits with people is both looked down upon and rare? 

but it's not ONLY about sex

Couldn't that be the perfect combination of having a great friend and a way to meet needs that at the same time does not require expectations, standards, deep issues and dependency?  And why is it, may I ask, that when women express interest in being friends with benefits they are quickly viewed as the kind of girl that is not appropriate to introduce to their mother...yet when guys offer their status is unchanged?  Do women honestly like sex/partnership less than men?  No, not really.  So what's with the 1950's double standard?

The movie is about how two strangers realize they enjoy each others company, and that they could meet one anothers needs without entering the constraining confines of a relationship.  Obviously their feelings grow and a relationship becomes inevitable.  When I left I felt like it was too cheesy because that's never how FWB relationships end...but honestly, is that not the best way a relationship could develop?  Your best friends, you know each others quirks, you have great chemistry and you enjoy each others company.  Best way ever to determine compatibility if you ask me.  But you didn't I guess.  So that was all free. 

Amanda's Big Day Part II

So it's over.  Which is both a refreshing thought and a sad one.  We've all been looking forward to Yesterday for a YEAR (even longer, really) so now that all of the festivities are done, it feels surreal. 

Amanda was SUCH a beautiful bride, and I can't imagine a wedding that was more fun...seriously.  We danced for 5 hours and had an amazing time.  The bridal party got along great and we all enjoyed each others company which was also a HUGE bonus.  All in all...it was simply amazing.

Bachelorette Party :)

Rehearsal Dinner