Life's Lessons

Life has taught me many things, but one thing it has taught me over and over again is that it is not fair.  Things in life don't happen for specific reasons, good things happen to good people and bad people and bad things happen to good people and bad people.  Three years ago my madre was diagnosed with small cell neuroendocrine cancer of the cervix.  U of M helped her put up quite the fight and she fought it with valor.  She is 2 1/2 years out and has enjoyed lots of trips to the lake, time with family and countless joy with friends and family.  Unfortunately, however, the treatment to that cancer has brought us back here again, facing Myelodysplastic Syndrome, a bone marrow cancer that requires a bone marrow transplant that will likely take place some time this year.  We are hoping for the best, but she has a rough road ahead of her including chemo, several weeks in the hospital, 100 days requiring round the clock care, limited travel, and increased risk of infection.  We are all struggling with the diagnosis but are committed to having an enjoyable summer before putting on our boxing gloves to beat the crap out of this cancer. 

Our family has taken a beating from the "C" word, and it is really hard for me to put in to words how much my life has been wrecked by its traumatic life course.  Losing my grandma Dixie to cancer in 2008 is still such a sore wound, and to have a mother who has to fight this yet again while my grandfather continues to fight Leukemia seems absolutely cruel.  I can have moments of absolute feelings of devastation and sobs, and other moments of absolute numbness and aloofness.  I know that it is absurd to have a constant pity party, but it also feels absurd that the world expects me to put a smile on my face and carry on as if I don't have a 2 ton weight on my shoulders.  It's hard to balance the what-if's with trying to be positive, it's hard to balance not wanting to miss out on anything with not wanting to be perceived as a debby-downer.  All of it is simply hard. 

At the same time, how many families are BLESSED with the opportunity to be reminded of how much they LOVE one another and how much they are grateful for one another.  I can't help but look at other families and realize how grateful I am for the closeness that the five of us have.  I am beyond grateful for all that my parents have sacrificed for my siblings and I, and I will never be able to thank them enough for the life that they have provided me with.  I love my family so much, and though it breaks my heart to see my mother go through this again, having her fight for her life again, I think we have to find the tiny glimmers of hope in the moments where we are given incredible moments to love one another so selflessly in this time, in ways that many families never get to experience.

If you want to follow my mom's journey, you can find her on carepages.com by creating an account and searching for bethpolen.  We are hoping to inspire lots of people to join the national bone marrow registry at marrow.org...it's an incredibly easy process to donate...saving a life has never been so easy!