This Work

Let's be honest; leaving Annabeth every morning is so much harder than I ever dreamed it would be. My mind races each morning- what if she needs me? What if I miss a milestone? What if she's fussy all day for the nanny? What if she knows I leave her and she hates me for it? There's a spectrum of understandable worry to the truly irrational, of course.

But the hardest (actually I hate choosing absolutes)- one of the hardest things about leaving is arriving to work with babies and their mommas. Sick babies, and their mommas.

My passion has long been moms and babies- their bond, their love, their relationship. I've been blessed in my education and in my career to have worked with moms and babies extensively. I've sat with moms through the tears, laughs, and aches of motherhood. I've held, fed, changed baby after baby- and have even seen many travel and arrive earth side! I've held hands with families rejoicing in milestones met, goals achieved, and birthdays celebrated. 

But; I have also hugged weeping mothers, steadied broken hearted dads, and have said goodbye to fresh infants. I have held the hands of mothers grieving their child's illness, and their child. I've answered those impossible questions- "is he suffering?" "What do I do now?" "How do I leave without her?". I have sat in silence, watching husband and wife- mom and dad- say goodbye to life they created. 

It is a blessing. A privledge that families have allowed me into their most intimate relationships- have welcomed me into their best and their worst days- as well as all of those days in between. This work is an honor and I do not take that lightly.

Being a mother is impossibly hard. And let's be real- I honestly have no idea what I'm doing most hours of the day. But one thing I hope to teach sweet Annabeth is that people- all people- are the most valuable resource we have. I hope that I can teach her the importance of fighting for relationships, advocating for those in need, and holding the hand of those in grief. Again- I have no idea what I'm doing. These are just my hopes. 

All this being said- I have serious work to do in finding balance between my baby and my job. But I know that balance can exist, and I know that the work I do will help my daughter in so many ways. My job isn't special nor am I- but I sincerely hope that it is what it is for a purpose greater than me.