Once in a Life Time

This past Saturday in Chillicothe, Ohio, my parents' hometown, my aunt Becky and grandma hosted a bone marrow registration drive.  The event was an incredible success, with 149 registering to be donors and raising $2525 so far for the Be The Match organization.  You can still donate or sign up to register by going to marrow.org or by reading more about the event on my mothers blog at carepages.org.  But from my perspective, it was absolutely incredible to see so many people pour their time, sweat and tears into supporting my mom.  When strangers were showing up and friends were showing up after driving hours to get there it started to hit me just how incredible my mother truly is.

One of the trade offs of having moved around the world with my family is really not having a home town.  This weekend was the first time I really felt like that is something I would want at some point in my life, a home base that is.  I have loved moving so much, and am cringing at the fact that I have now lived in Michigan longer than I have lived anywhere else, but having a place to refer to as my home, and a place where I can count on to support me at the drop of a hat would provide a bit of security.  I have been asked a lot about how I would want to raise my own children; if I would want them to move around or if I would want them to have a home town experience and I really have no flipping idea.  But I do know that there are trade offs with both, and that if I have to live in one place forever it better be flipping fantastic!

Saturday taught us lots of things.  It taught us how incredibly respected my mama is, how adored she is by so many.  It taught us that lots of people are praying and hoping for her match to be found quickly.  It taught us that our family is ridiculously strong, showcased by the fact that my grandpa was at the event not 24 hours after getting out of the hospital.  And it taught us that Chillicothe is the definition of community, and we have great friends there who support our family.  I am grateful for all of these things!

#266: Seeing family that I hadn't seen in years this past weekend
#267: Seeing a smile on my papa's face
#268: Hugs from lots of people who know me, though I don't know them from Adam.
#269: Catching up with old friends, cousins, family.  It's so easy to feel comfortable around everyone.
#270: Feeling better!!
#271: The strength of community.

Tearful Moments

I know you all have been here. The moments where you feel so completely misunderstood that all you can do is nod, smile, and fight back the tears.

But what is it about needing to feel understood that is so important to us? I would argue that it's particularly important to women, but honestly I think it's a human need that most of us have. I know I do.

I think for me, I've spent most of my life thinking and feeling like no one understood me or my pain, regardless of whether that was true or not. No one knew what it was like to be me though and that has always been hard. I don't understand why people don't just know why I'm shutting them out, building walls, crying, or doing any of my other awesome behaviors. I feel like I'm pretty easy to get; I'm damaged, I've been Hurt a lot so I'm quick to feel insecure and attacked, and I'm currently under lots of stress. What else do you need to know in order to understand me?

My irrational need to be understood, however, puts those who love me on a tough spot. Despite their efforts to love me, it's not enough if I don't feel understood. So what happens? People's efforts go unappreciated and I still feel ALONE.

Moving forward I can say these three things: 1. Professional help is not a sign of weakness. Nor are my tears right now. They just prove that I've been strong for so long and I need help now. 2. The support from my friends and family means so much to me, regardless of whether I can acknowledge it at the time. 3. It's okay to want to be understood. I'm not bad or wrong for wanting so desperately for someone to get my pain.

Be nice to one another. Love one another. And help one another!

National Attention

A couple weeks ago I updated you all on my mother's recent diagnosis with MDS, a bone marrow cancer.  I wanted to offer a brief update on where things are standing now.

They tested my siblings and I, my uncle, and my Nanny (grandma) to see if any of us were matches to my mom.  None of us were.  They have yet to find a 10/10 match for my mother.  They have found a few 9/10 but we are still hoping for a 10/10 as the success rates are higher with a perfect match. 

In efforts to find this perfect match, my mom's sister (Becky) and mother (nanny) planned a bone marrow registration drive in Chillicothe, OH this upcoming Saturday.  We are ALL also pushing/encouraging people to sign up to be on the registry by going to marrow.org and requesting a kit to be sent to your house.  So many people are in need of a transplant (roughly 10,000 people at any given time).  Almost half of those struggle to find matches.  Let's change this by registering and encouraging people to register! It's only a blood donation, no surgeries, no long hospital stays!

Today, Robin Roberts announced that she too has MDS.  We (my mom's friends and family) are trying to get national attention for this drive, and bone marrow donation in general.  If you follow my twitter page then you saw lots of tweets about this, and if you're on my facebook, then you saw lots of posts about this.  Please share this incredible article about my mom and her family with others, and please use social media to spread the word on her behalf. 

#261: The power of social media.
#262: So grateful that my mom is a fighter, from a family of fighters.  We don't give up (see last post ;)) and we won't stop fighting for those we love.
#263: Health insurance.  And the health insurance reform.  Eternally grateful for quality care and excited to keep fighting for equal care in our country.
#264: Inspiration.  It comes from the strangest places, graduation speakers, long conversations, simple texts. 
#265: Having a madre who knows what to do for bad burns from the oven! But not so grateful for the burn!

New Theme Song

I love so many things about music, but most of all, I love how it can poetically put poetic words to my emotions and thoughts.  It's so hard to find the way to express myself sometimes...but then...there is a song that expresses everything for me!! So helpful. 

Right now, my repeat song is Jason Mraz's "I won't give up".  It's beautiful, so poetic, has an incredible melody, and just absolutely an inspiration!  And the best part?  The video is inspirational on its own!  Check it out..


"...I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
...
'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily, I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make. Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am ...."


It's beautiful...and you should check it out.
#256: Freedom to listen to whatever I want, and the ability to listen to most music for free on the internet.  Thanks youtube :)  But for reals.  What did homies do before the interwebz?
#257: Swimsuits.  Lots of them.  And new ones.  And ones that fit my boobs.  And ones that I love.
#258: Bursts of motivation to exercise.  5/7 days have had a work out in them! That's quite the improvement for me as of late.
#259: Naps.  When night-time sleeping is such a rarity as of late, naps are so appreciated and I am so blessed to have the time for them.  Though think of how many more calories I'd burn if I worked out as long as I napped...
#260: Time with Keiraboo.  I love that baby and it is so refreshing to spend time with little ones and play silly games and get in cuddle time, too.  Especially when it seems like everything else is going to hell in a handbasket.  I'm not sure if that's the real phrase but I like using phrases.