Elitist?

I am a Columbus Bride, about 100 days from our wedding, and in the thick of the final detail preparations.  In the last week we have finalized items for our cake, ordered invitations, purchased bridal party gifts, and more.  It seems that as our to-do list dwindles, so do our bank accounts...

In my line of work, I encounter individuals living well below the poverty level on a daily basis.  I was spending time with one woman who mentioned that she and her now-husband were married recently and spent about $500 on their wedding.  While that is a large chunk of change for this family (and me..) I was flabergasted- mostly because while I feel we are cutting corners everywhere in regards to our wedding planning, everything is THOUSANDS, not just a few bucks here and there. 

Now obviously the events are not comparable, but it did get me thinking about how the wedding industry is meant only for the elite.  The upper middle class, and frankly not even that. 

Just to give you an idea of average costs here

In meeting with vendors, I can't tell you how many times I was told that people would not meet with me because my budget was too low, or would tell me that they cannot do what I want because of my "limited" budget.  Mind you, we are spending a small fortune on this day and have been prepared to do so all along...so their version of a limited budget does not even begin to align with my idea of a limited budget.

I guess what I am pondering, is why this is.  Weddings are now an entire industry, billions of dollars are poured into the industry every year.  And while I am certainly a contributor to that, I worry about the message we are sending to people when the cost of these items are so high.  I'm not sure what that means, to have the majority of the country to not have access to having a wedding, in any sense of the word.

 I am just not sure if that sits right with me... mostly because I am so excited about my wedding and how it will all come together, but I also feel so conflicted about perpetuating a cycle of pushing down the poor to be poor and building up the rich to be rich, so to speak.  And I worry that if people like me are continuing to be willing to pay these unreasonable prices, then they will continue to rise, continuing to separate who can and cannot have this experience.

Father's Day- The Late Edition

I am so grateful for so many things about my father, and I was lucky enough to actually see him on Father's
Day this year, as well.  We spent the weekend at the lake enjoying the Mastercraft, the Sunshine, and each others company.

Recently, my sister and I were talking about how different things are now that we are older and will continue having our own individual responsibilities, lives, and families.  At the same time, I feel so lucky to have such an amazing family that enjoys spending time together.  I think this is more unique than I have realized.  And it is my mom and my dad who have created a family that enjoys each other, it is all owed to them.

Here are some of the unique ways my dad has built a loving, close family:

- Family vacations and time away from "life" with the five of us was always so important to my dad.  If you know him, you know that he works the most insane hours and has the most stressful of jobs.  That being said, I cannot even remember a year where we didn't have some sort of a family vacation to spend time together.  These vacations have always been so precious to
us all, and it is something I still look forward to every year.  I am so grateful that he took the time, away from work, and the money, away from other things, to prioritize our family.

- My dad's job has moved us several times, and obviously to a great and unique experience in Argentina.  Not only am I grateful that he was presented with the opportunity to move there, but I am so grateful that my parents were brave enough to move our entire family (including teenage daughters and my toddler of a brother).  We really didn't even know where Argentina was (I remember us looking at it on the globe when my parent's told us we were moving there).  I cannot imagine how scary that was as parents, and how much pressure my dad had to have felt to move us there.  He wanted it to be a positive experience for us, and worked hard at making it one.  And it honestly was the best decision- we all have such incredible memories of living there and it was truly such a gift.  Hard to believe we moved back to the US 10 years ago this month.

- At work I spend a lot of time helping new moms understand that your children learn by what you do, not by what you say (it's true yall).  I cannot imagine working as hard as my dad does, but I have been able to see how his hard work has contributed to my family being blessed with such amazing experiences.  I have seen how by just working harder, and doing more, you can change the course of your life.  A work ethic is not something you can teach, and there are certainly individuals that are comfortable where they are, and have no desire for more.  But his incessant desire to better himself and work harder for our family has inspired me in more ways than I could ever explain.  His desire for us to have more than he, and experience more than he, has showcased such a sacrificial love and giving attitude that I can only hope to mimic when I have children.  I am so grateful that I have parents who never let me settle, and always encouraged me to dream bigger.

- The thing that I feel is most unique about my father, is how selflessly and beautifully he loved my mother.  It is now so rare to see marriages centered around a love for each other, and I cannot express how much this reality has shaped my life.  My parents were married when they were both so young, and became parents when even younger.  When my dad talked about their wedding day to us last year when looking at their wedding pictures, he confessed that he had absolutely no idea what would become of them that day.  He feared the worst but hoped for the best.  He talked about his love for my mom, and how much she changed his heart, and his life, and how much she truly was his world.  As a kid I remember having friends' whose parents faught incessantly, or who were even divorced, and feeling scared that it would happen to my parents.  At the same time I felt constantly reassured by their relationship because of how they interacted with one another, and the respect that existed between the two of them.

Nothing showed his love for my mom as much as the way he cared for her during her illness, up to her last hours.  When we had moved her to hospice, and she was ill in our home, we created a make-shift bedroom for her in our living room.  We left the love-seat in the room to allow people to sit and visit with her.  My dad "slept" on that loveseat, despite my mom's attempts to get him back into his bed.  One (maybe two?) nights he slept on the couch across the hall simply because she was very annoyed by his snoring, but he refused to be too far from her.  He spent countless nights in the hospital with her, learned everything there is to know about caring for her IV, her medicines, her illness.  He risked his job in many ways by taking time to accompany her to important appointments, and to be present during difficult procedures.  He never gave up hope, and was willing to do anything and everything to save her life.  Not only did he care for my mother physically, but it was beautiful to hear my mom speak about their nights in the hospital together, time where they could talk uninterrupted.  It was such a painful process for all of us, but if I can take anything from that, it was how beautifully my father treated my mother. 


They say that daddy's teach their daughter about who men are and should be.  I feel lucky to have found a man in my life that has some of the strengths I admire so much in my father.  If anything, I have been able to have strict standards, knowing that there are a few of those good guys out there, somewhere.  I feel lucky to have found one.

On a last note, to show you how much my mom loved my dad, one of her friends who was treated poorly by her husband and later divorced, was told by my mom that she needs a "Vic".  I hope she finds one...

It's The...

Sights
The rainbows you send, the sunsets you help paint, the clothes you wore
Sounds
The voices that mimic yours, the memories that are on replay in my mind, the songs you loved, the truth you spoke
Smells
Onion breath, the lake water, your home, your "flower" perfume, the foods you made
Wisdom
The lessons you taught, the kindness you instilled, the encouragement you gave, the courage you built

They were right- you never will "leave" me- I just have to pay closer attention to see and hear you. Your continued presence offers the extra, much needed, comfort to get through to the next day-week-month-year without your arms embracing me. Those hugs, those words, the comfort of your smell -- no words explain my hearts yearning for these. It is but God that must teach me how to carry you with me each day.

I carry your heart
I carry it in my heart