Moms and Babies

Every day I am working, I am working with moms and babies.  I get to see the sickest babies, or the most impoverished mommas on a daily basis.  I see families who have horribly disrupted attachment, but also families who love each other passionately and are trying to do right by their kids, to be the generation that changes for the family. 

Please watch this video if you have time.  It is an incredible story of a mommy and daddy loving the littlest of little one in our chaotic world.  Watch how the love for this boy saves him, and changes their lives as a family forever.  Stories like this one give me Hope in love. 

Working Woman

I have been working now for almost five months as a social worker with Children's Hospital--doing home visits through a prenatal through age three parent support and abuse prevention program.  And yes, I often get asked what I do.  Oh and yes, I often get told that "it must be nice to make your own schedule".  Oh and yes, I do often get told LOTS of things about what people expect my clientele to be like. 

It has been hard for me to internally balance what I see every single day through my job and what the media, pop culture, and even history have taught the public (and my friends and family) about who I am likely serving.  Not to mention, our highly divided country is becoming more and more difficult to navigate as my job requires me to help my families navigate the process of seeking assistance, enrolling in federal programs, and helping them understand that the lies the media and news speak of those who get assistance ARE NOT true. 

There- I said it- the way the news portrays my food stamps receiving, Medicaid getting, WIC assisted families is ABSURD, INACCURATE, HURTFUL, and SHAMING.

And these are some reasons why:

- Welfare Fraud is the main reason most people have negative views of welfare.  Why do you hear about welfare fraud? Because it is good news to report  to taxpaying viewers that their money is being wasted when one woman, for example, is claiming 38 children (who do not exist) getting benefits for all of them (this did happen).  It is also good news when women (recently in columbus) were selling WIC formula for cash.  (ask why sh
e did that? well she did that because she had extra left over and she thought it would be a good way to get cash for a beamer. Oh just kidding--to have cash to pay utilities). 

I am not applauding welfare fraud at all.  But the cases are few and far between the REAL benefactors of these programs (1.5-2.5% of cases).  The media can easily sell these stories because it helps the public continue to stigmatize and shame the users of these programs.

- Do you realize that even WITH benefits, most of the families I work with do not have beds to sleep on, do not have secured housing, do not have money left over for the momma and poppa by the end of the month, and often times do not have enough clothing for any of the family members.  My families are constantly having to rely on places that give out donations (did you know food pantries provide often expired food).  Just because a family is getting assistance does NOT mean they are living well.

- Medicaid is "free" medical coverage for women, children, families who fall below 100-200% of the federal poverty level (changes based on who you are and where you live).  Well, folks, if I were to get pregnant in the state of Ohio before I am married--my salary would qualify me for Medicaid.  Would I apply? HELL YES.  Why? Because it would guarantee me and fake baby the best of healthcare.  With my salary alone could I still get that with the Health coverage I have? Possibly, but mostly because I have a good fake baby daddy.  Alone I would not in any way.  Here's my point-- The benefits are available and it makes sense to use them-- they are designed to help families temporarily, and designed to make sure babies have the best start they can possibly get. 

- Something to remember is that while the programs are helpful, it can be nearly impossible to get out of the cycle of needing assistance. Why? Because the income levels are set so low that if you are even making minimum wage full time, your benefits will be stopped, likely including your childcare (title XX) benefits--making it impossible to still work and make that little.  You cannot raise a kid and pay all of your bills on that little with no assistance.


The families I work for represent the greater whole-- almost 40 million Americans recieve some type of assistance from the government.  And we as a country SHAME that to no end.  We make it seem like families are CHOOSING this life, and we also make it appear to be an enjoyable thing.  What is disgusting to me is what this really means for us as a whole: We shake our heads in disgust at the thought of helping other people-- children, moms and dads.  How awful is it that we as a nation do not want to take care of the people who are our next door neig
hbors, your kids peers, or the people sitting in the pew behind you.  We as a nation LAUGH at a president who has tried VERY hard to ensure these benefits for these families.  What does that make us as people? 

I always get told the "bootstraps" quote when I open this conversation--people just need to find a way to make things work.  But when babies are born into poverty, do not complete middle school (let alone high school or college), and may not even be able to read.  Tell me, how are they supposed to make things work without a little help?  Oh so they shouldn't have kids?  Well tell me, how the HELL are they supposed to learn about birth control if we keep it so god damn hush hush and keep shutting down our Planned Parenthoods and non-profit health centers. 

You can choose to belief what you would like.  But take a moment to think about what type of person you WANT to be.  What values do you WANT to convey to those around you? 

Pink does NOT equal Breast Cancer Treatment/Prevention

The month of October is my favorite time of year, I think.  I also REALLY love the dead of summer where it is blazing hot, everything is in bloom, and boating is the most frequent thing on my mind.

Anyways, October.  I love the leaves, the crunchy ones and the bright ones on the trees.  I love the beginning of boot and jacket season.  I love cozy fires, warm houses, and hot tea.  You know what I don't love? The stupid PINK Breast Cancer campaign. 

1. Not because I don't support breast cancer research.
2. Not because I hate Pink.

I hate it for several reasons

1. Why do we assume Pink=women=breast cancer.  Men get breast cancer too.  And lots of women hate feeling labeled by pink.
2. It feels SO inappropriate to me how many "save the tatas" "barbells for boobs" "booze for boobs" etc events there are.  We are not pouring billions into research for BOOBS.  We are researching for LIVES.  The women, the men afflicted by the disease.  Do we as a nation forget that most people with breast cancer LOSE their breasts?  How insensitive is it to be behind propaganda that FOCUSES on the boobs when a large percentage of these patients have LOST theirs. 
3.  The money. Oh the money.  Can we please consider, for a moment, that Donatos is donating only 25 cents each pizza from their pink-ness campaign.  I mean really?  Or that Nike only donates "a percentage" well what the fuck percentage friends?  Why are we willing to pay more for a pink product when so little is actually going to the cause? because it is popular! And who benefits-- BIG COMPANIES -- not women, men, or BOOBS.
4. There are few things I hate more than NFL Pink.  While I know it has raised funds, let's be real.  NFL could not be a more masculine setting and they are wearing pink for the boobs.  How much more Disney Princess -- the prince will rescue me can we get.  It is nauseating.  Not to mention the teams, Nike, Addidas, etc make millions off of making pink versions of their gear.  That money is not spent on research.  It's profit people. 
5.  Consumer philanthropy makes people lazy...they bought that pink spatula so now they don't need to volunteer, they don't need to donate to cancer research.  Well this is just crap.  I mean it's real, but it is also real stupid.  These color campaigns have led to LESS money in the hands of those doing the research because people believe they have already done their share.  Well the fact of the matter is that you didn't do your share...and people's lives actually depend on your assistance for researching better treatments and actual prevention.  

While I get that awareness is good--yes, everyone knows pink=breast cancer, this isn't the awareness we should be wanting.  We want money given to research institutes.  Money given to non-profits that provide cancer screenings, assistance for cancer afflicted families, and more.  This is what is NOT happening.

Lastly, my last rant is this: Why are we so focused on breast cancer when it isn't the most common? When it is NOT nearly the most deadly?  We have made excellent strides in treatment, but still know nothing about other cancers, like my mom's.  I can tell you why-- we are a sex obsessed culture.  Get this, the two most funded cancers? Prostate and Breast. This is no accident.  What is an accident is that all this pink stuff makes people believe breast cancer is their biggest risk of death, or even the most likely type of cancer they will get--but it IS NOT. 

What I beg of you is to 1. read this article by a breast cancer survivor.  and 2. please think twice before supporting every single companies pink campaign--and instead support research and non-profits actually doing the work. 

We Pass the Time with Food and Flavor

We have made it to October 7th.  I didn't know if I would, to be honest.  Dark days and times, moments and hours have filled the past months of life.  And at the same time laughter and warmth, and smiles and fullness.  October 3rd marked six long yet remarkably fast months without my mother.  I was sitting in counseling that morning expressing to my therapist just how SICK I am of missing and longing for her presence, her comfort, her touch, her voice.  I am tired of yearning for her reassurance, her phone calls, her texts, her emails.  I am tired of the flashbacks and nightmares of the horrorible things she went through last year.  I am tired of the fact that my mom is dead.

Similar to as someone might say they are sick of being sick, I am simply sick of grieving.  And this six month mark does nothing more but remind me of the many more "six months'" that I will have to grieve her absence, that I will have to witness her loss on the faces' of my family.  Six months is but a drop in the bucket when looking at the span of a lifetime but then why the hell does it feel as if I had to scrape by to make it here?

I have learned that we rarely give ourselves enough grace or slack or room to fuck up.  What I have learned is this: I am a horrible griever! I am horrible at it because grieving is a horrible thing to HAVE to do! But I HAVE to do it because my life will crumble if I do not face the reality that is my mother is no longer here...and the irony is that my mother would be the one to HELP me in the event that I would crumble (not that others wouldn't).  Mom's are the people we turn to to tell us the brutal truth, to comfort us and help us walk into our first day of work, who help us fix mistakes, laugh at mistakes, and point out our mistakes.  And learning to rely on others and myself for those things will never be easy.  But if I do not learn how to, my life will not continue on in a way that she would have wanted.

Learning all of these things has been difficult. Not only for me but for my bestest pal and manfriend.  I am not only learning this stuff on my own but trying to learn how we can be a team in this process, too.  So in the midst of the stress I was going to run a half marathon! Because what better way to think and process and de-stress than some exercise?? But then I broke my foot (it's really fine, but yes broken).  So Instead I've been baking and making us fat.  But again, grace.  (honestly, Christopher runs all the time and isn't fat and I exercise on a monthly schedule--lol).

I have been on a pumpkin kick given that it is fall of course....

Pumpkin Snickerdoodles -- Gluten Free of course were a big hit!

I changed this recipe quite a bit though-- I combined the requested flour amounts and used Namaste's baking blend, and didn't use shortening.  They were incredible.  Added a quarter cup butter. 

Pumpkin layered bread was my favorite though...Delicious!

Again I used Namaste's flour blend. I dropped an egg yolk in, so 2 whole eggs, 1 egg white. I just used raw sugar instead of stevia or sugar as it was cheapest.  This recipe is a perfect example of finding a non-gluten free yummy recipe and easily converting it by using a baking blend flour mix!  By doing that I didn't have to add any xantham gum (which is pricey!).

Next on the list is Pumpkin bread with caramel cream cheese frosting!

Who would not love that! I mean come on!!!

We also made some delicious, gooey, caramel chocolate brownies, I'll be honest, they were mostly from a box.  I just added unknown amounts of caramel and butter to the mix!  (and eggs as directed!)  SO SO Good!!  I have yet to find a homemade brownie recipe that I like as good as boxed brownies, and hence I stick with boxed!  I meant to put a pretzel crust on the bottom but totally forgot...oops!  Next time :)

We stopped by an orchard in Lebanon this weekend (ain't got nothin on Spicer's) and picked up some apples and I'm hoping to make caramel apple pie this week! Sounds incredible, right?

Social Justice Pump Up

So we (Christopher and I) are training for the Columbus Half Marathon.  Shocking, right? I don't think you could meet someone who hates running more than I do.  But it's going okay actually.  We did 6 miles this Saturday...and I actually did it! I would still rather swim 6 miles than run them, but I did it! Shockingly! And I am slow, like really slow, like I think most people walk faster than I "run", but I don't really care because I'm running.  and for long amounts of times and long amounts of distances.

Anywho.  How do I make it on these long runs you ask? Well I count songs.  Like a mile is 3 songs.  And  my six mile run on Saturday was 17 songs (and 3 pandora commercials and a break from when it wanted to boot me off for inactivity).  Pretty sweet, right?  Now I try to think of other things too so that I don't obsess over the countdown, but still, I count songs.  It gives me a visual when looking at distance/time covered makes me discouraged.

But some songs are like legit pumper-uppers, and other songs are just passing the time songs.  My favorite right now you ask? Same Love- Mackelmore and Mary Lambert!  Seriously an incredible song!

 "The right wing conservatives think it's a decision
And you can be cured with some treatment and religion
Man-made rewiring of a predisposition
Playing God, aw nah here we go
America the brave still fears what we don't know
And God loves all his children, is somehow forgotten
But we paraphrase a book written thirty-five-hundred years ago"

 "When I was at church they taught me something else
If you preach hate at the service those words aren't anointed
That holy water that you soak in has been poisoned
When everyone else is more comfortable remaining voiceless
Rather than fighting for humans that have had their rights stolen
I might not be the same, but that's not important
No freedom till we're equal, damn right I support it"

What incredible lyrics!  I mean seriously, we should be reminded of the fact that there is no FREEDOM for ANY of us until we can ALL experience FREEDOM.  And we as a society LOVE to turn our heads, our eyes, our ears, our hearts away from the reality of the hate that we have today, but it is UNDENIABLE.

Today in the news we see a judge FINALLY making a statement about New York search policy that has been applied mostly to the hispanic and black communitites.  FINALLY.  Our black babies are still DYING TWICE AS MUCH as our white babies (EVEN when we control for things like education level, income level).  What will it take for us to realize that HATE has consequences? That racism is ingrained into our minds and societies? That our freedom means NOTHING when other's cannot experience it?

In the news today we also hear of a STATE FAIR (Missouri) having a rodeo where there is an individual with an Obama mask, and the announcer was enticing the audience saying that the bull would run down Obama, take him down.  While the govenor has thankfully spoken out against this, how do you imagine black individuals in the audience feeling while watching a stunt like this? How do you imagine this display of racism is going to affect little minds that are just learning about the world? Because, let's not be ignorant, and finally recognize that it WILL Affect them.  

My Most Tiredest Day

People always complain about Monday's, and let me tell ya... I don't really like them either. But I really don't think that they are the worst.  Last week on Wednesday morning I asked Christopher what day it was, and then told him that it was my most tiredest day. And I think Wednesday may be the worst of the worst.  My sister agrees.  When you wake up Wednesday you think that the week is almost done, but it really isn't.  And then that day lasts so flipping long. And then on Thursday you wake up and you feel like THAT is your most tiredest day ever.  But the good thing about Thursday is that the week is almost over.  But the tricky thing about Thursday is that by the end of the day you will often be eating dinner Thursday night thinking it SHOULD be Friday because the day before was so effing awful (damn wednesdays).






Work weeks suck ass.  Good luck y'all. 

Zucchini Bread-- Gluten Free Delicious

I started my job...and the start has been slow! Between trainings and waiting on certifications I have had so much time to research recipes and become an amazing chef! (If I do say so myself!)  We have had stir frys, pot roasts, lots of grilled delicious goodies, lots of rice and mexican dishes, and even some wonderful ZUCCHINI BREAD!  I thought I would share my Zucchini Bread recipe as it was a combination of a couple that I found, mainly borrowing from GlutenFreeGoddess.  Basically the bread is my fave though, and hopefully everyone else who has tried it has enjoyed it too :)

Oven- 350 degrees
You need a loaf pan, greased.

Ingredients:
1.5 cups Namaste GF Flour Blend
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon
1 cup brown sugar--no clumps
1/3 cup EVOO (or other)
2 egg whites
1/4 cup vanilla soy milk (I used light)
Good squeeze of half of a lemon (for the juice!)
1 tablespoon vanilla

as many chocolate chips as desired!

1-2 cups of fresh graded zucchini--let the zucchini soak in paper towels to drain the excess water while cooking

Mix all dry ingredients (flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, cinnamon).  Once blended add the brown sugar.  My brown sugar wanted to clump up so using your blender vary the speeds to get the clumps out, the clumps will not break down while cooking so get them out now.

Add wet ingredients (oil, egg whites, milk, lemon juice, vanilla).  Batter will be thick, so add ingredients slowly and keep pressing batter down.  Once the batter is all blended, go back to your zucchini.

Again, get as much excess moisture out of the zucchini as possible.  I then used the paper towels to separate the individual shreds before putting into the batter.  I used the blender on medium for less than 60 seconds to get more moisture out and into the batter, than used a spatula to hand mix the rest.  I then added the chocolate chips.

The bread will need to bake for about 60 minutes, maybe longer depending on how wet your zucchini was.  Test the center of your bread before taking out.

ENJOY!  

And if you are GF-- Namaste has some of the BEST products out there! From flours, to brownies, to pizza crusts--just delicious.  Watch for their products at HomeGoods-weird right? but a great deal on great great awesome products. 

Okay now I need to work!!