Every Momma Needs a Support Group

My baby girl is asleep in my arms, and as I stare at her I can't help but reflect on the momma support group I went to today- breastfeeding group actually. It was the first time I heard women use and express words that describe precisely as I feel. It was the first time a weight began to lift from my shoulders- a guilt and a list of fears slowly lifting from me. 

I've really struggled with trying to understand why this- motherhood- is so hard. I used to be a doula, I'm an infant mental health specialist, I've been around babies and have provided parenting coaching for years. I have so much knowledge about breastfeeding, infants, and parenting- but know absolutely nothing about mothering my daughter. I know absolutely nothing about the millions of feelings, emotions, and thoughts I'm wrestling with. 

It felt validating to know that I'm not a horrible mother because of the sadness and loneliness I battle while nursing my little one for the umpteenth time. Im not evil for feeling "stuck" when she can't go longer than 2 hours between feeds. And I'm not setting her up for feeling unloved when she sees me crying when I feel more isolated than ever before. 

I love this baby girl more than I can put into words, but the emotions and roller coaster of feelings has been very overwhelming. As a mother, my thoughts are completely on her 24-7 and that has been debilitating at times. I am so grateful for the women that shared today and those that gave encouragement. I know baby girl and I will be just fine, and that we will find our own rhythm very soon. 

One thing is for sure- I miss my mom, so so much. I know she'd be such a help. I also know she's with me all the time within me and my girl. I couldn't be more grateful for my hubby and my family, as well. Motherhood takes a village and I'm just trying to find mine! ❤️