In the midst of this wedding planning season of my life, I have
learned so so much about wedding etiquette, planning etiquette, and how
to and how not to be a supportive person for a Bride. At times I think
about the friends who are already married, and worry that I may have
said some of the following things to them (SORRY!), as I think most of
us do not think of these things and how it affects the person you are
speaking it to. That being said, I hope you find this list helpful when
speaking to your friend, sister, daughter, daughter-in-law, etc who is
preparing for their BIG day!.
1. "Weddings are not important anyway"
- Um, what? YOU may not find having a wedding important, but weddings are, by nature, important. Not only is it a holy sacrament with historical and religious importance, but it marks the first day of a marriage that is meant for eternity. It symbolizes a forever bond, love, and commitment. There is nothing quite like a wedding, in that it consists of two imperfect people declaring an unconditional love and acceptance of one another for life. They are certainly important.
2. "OMG I would NEVER do that/Spend that/choose that"
- Good for you, but this is not about you. It is not your place to judge the bride's choices and taste. If a bride and her groom want to spend $50k on their wedding, why does that matter to you? It in no way means you should spend that too, but you do not have the right to judge. And the invitations they pick are PERFECT for them, no one cares if you would choose them. Same with colors, bridesmaids dresses, ceremony readings, etc. This wedding is not about you, but is about the Bride and Groom. And while I agree that the money spent and decorative details at the wedding do not dictate the success of the marriage, it is important that the Bride and Groom celebrate their love and union in the way that is important to them.
3. "Well that is not the traditional way"
-
This one I love. Well I hate it. But I love how much I hate it. Each
bride is different, each groom is different, and while weddings are
certainly a tradition, the trend now (and what I found most beautiful
about weddings) is to personalize the day and experience to symbolize
each individual joining in this marriage. Whether it be the
processional order, the table arrangements, the veil, the music, or the
invites; let the Bride and Groom choose what speaks to them most and
stop telling them that their choices are not traditional, because n
o one cares.
4. "How are you planning to lose weight"
- I have gotten this from family, work clients, and strangers. Since when does having a wedding mean I need to change every single thing about myself? (note: some encouraged plastic surgery). While I have absolutely been trying to lose a few pounds, and have incorporated strength and cardio training into my life, it is so inappropriate that people assume that I am trying to get "skinny" just for my wedding. Does no one care about healthy anymore? It bothers me that people find that a more important to ask than how I am emotionally preparing for my marriage (I have never been asked that). When brides in your life are trying to lose weight, absolutely encourage them, but make sure that they know that they will be radiating and beautiful regardless of their size because of the joy and happiness of the love they share.
5. "Do I have to help with that?"
-
This is such a common issue I have heard from other brides. So many
assume that much of the wedding simply takes care of itself, while in
reality weddings come together with lots and lots of work. And while
some people are extremely generous and offer to help with every detail,
there are others who frequently ask if they are "required" to help or if
they really need to help with X or Y detail. How is a bride to
respond? I usually say NO, as I am not going to shove my wedding down
anyone's throat, not to mention if people don't want to help, it is no
fun making them do it. So my advice? If a bride asks for help, help
her. If she doesn't, no need to check in on her need for your help
unless you are genuinely offering.
6. "Why are you doing that/it that way/not that?"
- This is in line with the fact that it is none of your business, bitches. Weddings are such a beautiful opportunity to have a personal representation of the Bride and Groom, and they owe no one a justification for their decisions regarding their day.
7. "Please don't do THAT at your wedding! I HATE that..."
- This cracks me up. Because not only are you telling a Bride that you don't like a certain tradition or event at a wedding, you are requesting that the Bride omit it from HER day to please you. Think about it... for us, we are going to have about 200 people at our wedding... if I took requests from each, could you imagine the nightmare? Not mention, can we all just agree to recognize that the wedding is not about anyone but the bride, groom, and respective families.
8. "Have you started you teeth whitening regimen?"
- This favorite of mine came from theknot.com emails back when we had about 9 months until our wedding. How silly of the knot to think that I was able to even begin to think about small details like that so far in advance! You would be shocked at what others have said to me in regards to the beauty prep process for my wedding. People have asked if I'm sticking with my blonde hair, if I am going to get botox (see #4), and if I am going to get everything waxed for the day of. Why is it people's business? And why can people just not ask open ended questions... "what are you doing with your hair?" "do you have a beauty prep schedule?" just for example.
9. "You are just wasting so much money"
- Well, to be honest, we are spending so much money, but why does that mean we are wasting it? Like #1 and #2, each person is going to do things a little different, from small weddings to huge weddings, everything differs. BUT
please stop assuming that the money we and other couples spend on their wedding AND honeymoon is a waste. I cannot wait to be old and gray with my man and think back to what will likely be our only extravagant vacation before kids. What a special and once in a lifetime experience this wedding and honeymoon will be for us! When talking to your friends, be empathetic by acknowledging the financial burden of weddings, but be encouraging and non judgmental by letting them know they can make the best decisions for themselves.
10. Avoiding the wedding..
- Best for Last. SO many people want to talk about our wedding with us, but there are others that hurry off the phone at the mention of it, or glaze over when we mention it. And even more who simply have fallen off the face of the earth since we got engaged. And while we try really hard to make most of our conversations with others NOT wedding related, every single day we are making decisions and discussing our wedding, making it hard to never mention it. If you are not a wedding person, or for some reason cannot join in the excitement with the happy couple, just play pretend for a few moments. It is most likely a you issue and not the couple's issue. That being said if the couple is obnoxious about their wedding...TELL THEM. I hope my friends would do that for me.
What things have been said to you as a bride-to-be?
1. "Weddings are not important anyway"
- Um, what? YOU may not find having a wedding important, but weddings are, by nature, important. Not only is it a holy sacrament with historical and religious importance, but it marks the first day of a marriage that is meant for eternity. It symbolizes a forever bond, love, and commitment. There is nothing quite like a wedding, in that it consists of two imperfect people declaring an unconditional love and acceptance of one another for life. They are certainly important.
2. "OMG I would NEVER do that/Spend that/choose that"
- Good for you, but this is not about you. It is not your place to judge the bride's choices and taste. If a bride and her groom want to spend $50k on their wedding, why does that matter to you? It in no way means you should spend that too, but you do not have the right to judge. And the invitations they pick are PERFECT for them, no one cares if you would choose them. Same with colors, bridesmaids dresses, ceremony readings, etc. This wedding is not about you, but is about the Bride and Groom. And while I agree that the money spent and decorative details at the wedding do not dictate the success of the marriage, it is important that the Bride and Groom celebrate their love and union in the way that is important to them.
3. "Well that is not the traditional way"
-
This one I love. Well I hate it. But I love how much I hate it. Each
bride is different, each groom is different, and while weddings are
certainly a tradition, the trend now (and what I found most beautiful
about weddings) is to personalize the day and experience to symbolize
each individual joining in this marriage. Whether it be the
processional order, the table arrangements, the veil, the music, or the
invites; let the Bride and Groom choose what speaks to them most and
stop telling them that their choices are not traditional, because no one cares.
4. "How are you planning to lose weight"
- I have gotten this from family, work clients, and strangers. Since when does having a wedding mean I need to change every single thing about myself? (note: some encouraged plastic surgery). While I have absolutely been trying to lose a few pounds, and have incorporated strength and cardio training into my life, it is so inappropriate that people assume that I am trying to get "skinny" just for my wedding. Does no one care about healthy anymore? It bothers me that people find that a more important to ask than how I am emotionally preparing for my marriage (I have never been asked that). When brides in your life are trying to lose weight, absolutely encourage them, but make sure that they know that they will be radiating and beautiful regardless of their size because of the joy and happiness of the love they share.
5. "Do I have to help with that?"
| but seriously |
6. "Why are you doing that/it that way/not that?"
- This is in line with the fact that it is none of your business, bitches. Weddings are such a beautiful opportunity to have a personal representation of the Bride and Groom, and they owe no one a justification for their decisions regarding their day.
7. "Please don't do THAT at your wedding! I HATE that..."
- This cracks me up. Because not only are you telling a Bride that you don't like a certain tradition or event at a wedding, you are requesting that the Bride omit it from HER day to please you. Think about it... for us, we are going to have about 200 people at our wedding... if I took requests from each, could you imagine the nightmare? Not mention, can we all just agree to recognize that the wedding is not about anyone but the bride, groom, and respective families.
8. "Have you started you teeth whitening regimen?"
- This favorite of mine came from theknot.com emails back when we had about 9 months until our wedding. How silly of the knot to think that I was able to even begin to think about small details like that so far in advance! You would be shocked at what others have said to me in regards to the beauty prep process for my wedding. People have asked if I'm sticking with my blonde hair, if I am going to get botox (see #4), and if I am going to get everything waxed for the day of. Why is it people's business? And why can people just not ask open ended questions... "what are you doing with your hair?" "do you have a beauty prep schedule?" just for example.
 |
| lol |
- Well, to be honest, we are spending so much money, but why does that mean we are wasting it? Like #1 and #2, each person is going to do things a little different, from small weddings to huge weddings, everything differs. BUT
please stop assuming that the money we and other couples spend on their wedding AND honeymoon is a waste. I cannot wait to be old and gray with my man and think back to what will likely be our only extravagant vacation before kids. What a special and once in a lifetime experience this wedding and honeymoon will be for us! When talking to your friends, be empathetic by acknowledging the financial burden of weddings, but be encouraging and non judgmental by letting them know they can make the best decisions for themselves.
10. Avoiding the wedding..
- Best for Last. SO many people want to talk about our wedding with us, but there are others that hurry off the phone at the mention of it, or glaze over when we mention it. And even more who simply have fallen off the face of the earth since we got engaged. And while we try really hard to make most of our conversations with others NOT wedding related, every single day we are making decisions and discussing our wedding, making it hard to never mention it. If you are not a wedding person, or for some reason cannot join in the excitement with the happy couple, just play pretend for a few moments. It is most likely a you issue and not the couple's issue. That being said if the couple is obnoxious about their wedding...TELL THEM. I hope my friends would do that for me.
What things have been said to you as a bride-to-be?
