10 Things to Never say to a Bride-to-Be

In the midst of this wedding planning season of my life, I have learned so so much about wedding etiquette, planning etiquette, and how to and how not to be a supportive person for a Bride.  At times I think about the friends who are already married, and worry that I may have said some of the following things to them (SORRY!), as I think most of us do not think of these things and how it affects the person you are speaking it to.  That being said, I hope you find this list helpful when speaking to your friend, sister, daughter, daughter-in-law, etc who is preparing for their BIG day!.

1. "Weddings are not important anyway"
- Um, what? YOU may not find having a wedding important, but weddings are, by nature, important.  Not only is it a holy sacrament with historical and religious importance, but it marks the first day of a marriage that is meant for eternity.  It symbolizes a forever bond, love, and commitment.  There is nothing quite like a wedding, in that it consists of two imperfect people declaring an unconditional love and acceptance of one another for life.  They are certainly important.

2. "OMG I would NEVER do that/Spend that/choose that"
- Good for you, but this is not about you.  It is not your place to judge the bride's choices and taste.  If a bride and her groom want to spend $50k on their wedding, why does that matter to you? It in no way means you should spend that too, but you do not have the right to judge. And the invitations they pick are PERFECT for them, no one cares if you would choose them. Same with colors, bridesmaids dresses, ceremony readings, etc.  This wedding is not about you, but is about the Bride and Groom.  And while I agree that the money spent and decorative details at the wedding do not dictate the success of the marriage, it is important that the Bride and Groom celebrate their love and union in the way that is important to them.

3. "Well that is not the traditional way"
- This one I love. Well I hate it. But I love how much I hate it.  Each bride is different, each groom is different, and while weddings are certainly a tradition, the trend now (and what I found most beautiful about weddings) is to personalize the day and experience to symbolize each individual joining in this marriage.  Whether it be the processional order, the table arrangements, the veil, the music, or the invites; let the Bride and Groom choose what speaks to them most and stop telling them that their choices are not traditional, because n
o one cares.

4. "How are you planning to lose weight"
- I have gotten this from family, work clients, and strangers.  Since when does having a wedding mean I need to change every single thing about myself? (note: some encouraged plastic surgery).  While I have absolutely been trying to lose a few pounds, and have incorporated strength and cardio training into my life, it is so inappropriate that people assume that I am trying to get "skinny" just for my wedding.  Does no one care about healthy anymore?  It bothers me that people find that a more important to ask than how I am emotionally preparing for my marriage (I have never been asked that).  When brides in your life are trying to lose weight, absolutely encourage them, but make sure that they know that they will be radiating and beautiful regardless of their size because of the joy and happiness of the love they share. 

5. "Do I have to help with that?"

but seriously

- This is such a common issue I have heard from other brides.  So many assume that much of the wedding simply takes care of itself, while in reality weddings come together with lots and lots of work.  And while some people are extremely generous and offer to help with every detail, there are others who frequently ask if they are "required" to help or if they really need to help with X or Y detail.  How is a bride to respond?  I usually say NO, as I am not going to shove my wedding down anyone's throat, not to mention if people don't want to help, it is no fun making them do it.  So my advice? If a bride asks for help, help her.  If she doesn't, no need to check in on her need for your help unless you are genuinely offering.

6. "Why are you doing that/it that way/not that?"
- This is in line with the fact that it is none of your business, bitches.  Weddings are such a beautiful opportunity to have a personal representation of the Bride and Groom, and they owe no one a justification for their decisions regarding their day. 

7. "Please don't do THAT at your wedding! I HATE that..."
- This cracks me up.  Because not only are you telling a Bride that you don't like a certain tradition or event at a wedding, you are requesting that the Bride omit it from HER day to please you.  Think about it... for us, we are going to have about 200 people at our wedding... if I took requests from each, could you imagine the nightmare? Not mention, can we all just agree to recognize that the wedding is not about anyone but the bride, groom, and respective families.

8. "Have you started you teeth whitening regimen?"
- This favorite of mine came from theknot.com emails back when we had about 9 months until our wedding.  How silly of the knot to think that I was able to even begin to think about small details like that so far in advance! You would be shocked at what others have said to me in regards to the beauty prep process for my wedding.  People have asked if I'm sticking with my blonde hair, if I am going to get botox (see #4), and if I am going to get everything waxed for the day of. Why is it people's business? And why can people just not ask open ended questions... "what are you doing with your hair?" "do you have a beauty prep schedule?" just for example.

lol

9. "You are just wasting so much money"
- Well, to be honest, we are spending so much money, but why does that mean we are wasting it? Like #1 and #2, each person is going to do things a little different, from small weddings to huge weddings, everything differs.  BUT
please stop assuming that the money we and other couples spend on their wedding AND honeymoon is a waste.  I cannot wait to be old and gray with my man and think back to what will likely be our only extravagant vacation before kids.  What a special and once in a lifetime experience this wedding and honeymoon will be for us!  When talking to your friends, be empathetic by acknowledging the financial burden of weddings, but be encouraging and non judgmental by letting them know they can make the best decisions for themselves.

10. Avoiding the wedding..
- Best for Last. SO many people want to talk about our wedding with us, but there are others that hurry off the phone at the mention of it, or glaze over when we mention it.  And even more who simply have fallen off the face of the earth since we got engaged.  And while we try really hard to make most of our conversations with others NOT wedding related, every single day we are making decisions and discussing our wedding, making it hard to never mention it.  If you are not a wedding person,  or for some reason cannot join in the excitement with the happy couple, just play pretend for a few moments.  It is most likely a you issue and not the couple's issue.  That being said if the couple is obnoxious about their wedding...TELL THEM. I hope my friends would do that for me.

What things have been said to you as a bride-to-be?

Elitist?

I am a Columbus Bride, about 100 days from our wedding, and in the thick of the final detail preparations.  In the last week we have finalized items for our cake, ordered invitations, purchased bridal party gifts, and more.  It seems that as our to-do list dwindles, so do our bank accounts...

In my line of work, I encounter individuals living well below the poverty level on a daily basis.  I was spending time with one woman who mentioned that she and her now-husband were married recently and spent about $500 on their wedding.  While that is a large chunk of change for this family (and me..) I was flabergasted- mostly because while I feel we are cutting corners everywhere in regards to our wedding planning, everything is THOUSANDS, not just a few bucks here and there. 

Now obviously the events are not comparable, but it did get me thinking about how the wedding industry is meant only for the elite.  The upper middle class, and frankly not even that. 

Just to give you an idea of average costs here

In meeting with vendors, I can't tell you how many times I was told that people would not meet with me because my budget was too low, or would tell me that they cannot do what I want because of my "limited" budget.  Mind you, we are spending a small fortune on this day and have been prepared to do so all along...so their version of a limited budget does not even begin to align with my idea of a limited budget.

I guess what I am pondering, is why this is.  Weddings are now an entire industry, billions of dollars are poured into the industry every year.  And while I am certainly a contributor to that, I worry about the message we are sending to people when the cost of these items are so high.  I'm not sure what that means, to have the majority of the country to not have access to having a wedding, in any sense of the word.

 I am just not sure if that sits right with me... mostly because I am so excited about my wedding and how it will all come together, but I also feel so conflicted about perpetuating a cycle of pushing down the poor to be poor and building up the rich to be rich, so to speak.  And I worry that if people like me are continuing to be willing to pay these unreasonable prices, then they will continue to rise, continuing to separate who can and cannot have this experience.

Engaged!

Wanna know something crazy? The last blog post I made was the day before we got engaged! And I simply had no idea what was about to come!

We went to Michigan the weekend of the 23rd to spend some time with my brother while my dad was over seas working.  My sister came up as well because she was planning to work from Michigan the following week.

Christopher and I knew we wanted to go to Spicer's Orchard to go shopping for some of our favorite wine- cranberry!!  He had mentioned that he wanted to go apple picking, and I agreed with him though I figured there would be no apples to pick since it is WINTER and was literally 10 degrees that weekend.

Well we made it to the Orchard, and I guess Christopher mumbled t
hat all the trees are dead under his breath as we pulled up to the Orchard (Brittany and Zach we
re with us).  We went into the orchard to get the wine, some cider, and some donuts for the non-gluten intolerant.  We put everything in the c
ar and were ready to go! Except Christopher kept asking if we were going to walk around.  I was very non-cooperative because it was FREEZING.  Brittany convinced me to walk over to the cider viewing window--but it was closed.  So then I was ready.  But Christopher was not! He wondered off into the apple trees, in the snow.  I eventually followed, found a frozen apple and threw it at the ground-- ready to get going! (Brittany was silently hoping i would not be a bitch at this moment!).  Christopher eventually grabbed my arm, told me he loved me and told me that I am his best friend.  He got on one knee in the snow, and asked me to marry him.  It all happened so QUICK! I was just totally not expecting it and NEVER clued into it!  It was so perfect.  I was so happy to be surprised, to have my siblings there, and to have the man of my dreams ask me to be his wife.

It was such a joy to call our family and friends- though our family already knew! He had spoken to my dad the week prior, and had told his family as well.  It felt incredible to feel celebrated by our loved ones.

It was very hard for me to not be able to tell my mom, to show her my ring, and to celebrate this incredible time of my life with her.  It can be so incredibly hard to explain to other people just how difficult it is to not have my momma here anymore.  Our family is unlike a lot that I know--we talk all the time, tell each other the good and the bad, share in victories and losses, and are there for one another no matter what.  I miss that about my mom.  She was the number one cheerleader in our family.  No matter what, she was there- physically or figuratively- whenever I needed her.   And in moments of stress or intense joy, she is who I want.  Not because I don't have other people in my life to turn to, but because for my entire life she was THAT person for me.  I love my mom so much, and I miss her more each and every day.

Almost a month...

It's been almost a month since my last post, and lots has happened in that time!  I spent a week on Seabrook Island in South Carolina with Christopher's family, a week on Lake Cumberland with my family (plus Mr. Groh), and I've been wrapping up Summer Work in preparation for a busy busy August.

Vacation was incredible.  Getting to know the Groh family more was really fun, I love getting to spend time with them and learning about their family.  I feel like it helps me understand Christopher in a way that can't be explained in words.  I loved having him in my favorite place...the boat.  It was so fun to share that with someone that I love, as I had never brought anyone to the boat with me before.  It was fun watching him mesh with my family, and watching my family fall in love with him just like I have.

It was an amazing two weeks away from the stress and the busyness of life right now.  Coming back has been hard...back to work, figuring out scheduling, doctors appointments for my mama, and navigating having a boyfriend moving 16 hours away.  Life feels chaotic and hard, but I know that we will all walk out the other end of all this a stronger family.

Check out fb for more vaca pictures :)

Christmas Lights

I LOVE Christmas, people.  I love Christmas music, movies, decorations, and LIGHTS.  I love the season for so many reasons, and I love seeing other people celebrate the season as well.  It's such a joy.

Because of the craziness of my life, I seem to always be driving late at night...and that is such a blessing this time of year!  Instead of it just being dark and gloomy, the night sky is filled with Christmas lights!! I love it.

I'm going to Columbus later today to go to the zoo for the Zoo Lights.  I have never heard of such a thing but I couldn't be more excited.  I love animales, I love Christmas lights, and I'm excited about who I'm going with :)  Just one happy girl right now. 

#99: Smiles.  I smile ALL of the time.  Some people get annoyed.  But it's part of who I am. And I enjoy being smiley and happy.

#100: One hundred! Crazy to think how long it took me to get here, and how I am only 1/10th of the way done.  Couldn't be more excited about this crazy journey of looking at my life and finding more and more things I am grateful for.  Thanks for being a part of this journey with me!

Interesting

I love Ellen.  She is funny, makes me laugh, helps mornings go by, and stands up for some incredibly causes.  On her show the other day was this beauty of a commercial.  The commercial is actually from a new TLC show "Virgin Diaries" that follows couples who have "saved themselves for marriage".  Since I know several couples who have done just that, I find the show both interesting and a train wreck waiting to happen.  While the show sheds light on this ever-shrinking population, it is also making a spectacle of these couples, mocking them in a way.  Watch this video for example...

There were serious outcry's from this commercial in particular, so TLC released a new one that addresses some of the dialogue that the couples engage in where they discuss their reasons for waiting, their excitement, and their "plans" for the wedding night (kinda awkward, honestly). 

Regardless of how I feel about not having sex until marriage, which honestly I can't say my feelings on this are set in stone, I am kinda disturbed by how many people are laughing at this couples' first kiss.  I can only imagine the excitement that led to the kiss, and the embarrassment that they are feeling now...

Is it fair to make fun of these couples who take waiting for sex to heart?  I get mad when religious groups require such practices, so shouldn't I also fight for the rights of these couples to practice their beliefs in privacy?  Then again, they chose to put their lives on TV.  Did they chose the mockery or the exposure? 

So interesting!

#87: Grateful my life is not on camera.  Privacy is a beautiful thing.
#88: Country Christmas Special.  Beautiful, peaceful, and a great reminder of the joy in the season.

Yellow Ribbon

Being in a small community instead of a college town means that I now notice random things and do not immediately dismiss them as college nonsense.  I have been noticing yellow ribbons tied on people's trees lately...and wasn't quite sure what it was all about.  I suspected that it had something to do with the military, maybe a ribbon per person you know serving? 

Well I wikipedia.com'd it today and it turns out I was kind of right!  Turns out that they were used initially to symbol to those coming home from war (or prison actually) that they are welcomed home by their women (predominantly in the 70s).  If there was no yellow ribbon, the men knew to stay on the bus and not go home. 

Do you have any yellow ribbons?  Just last week my cousin who just graduated from high school enlisted in the marines.  Being the pacifist and anti-violence person I am the military is such a conflicting institution for me.  While I believe it can create incredible character in people, I worry about the methods used to create said character.  What are we communicating when teaching 18 year olds to hit or shoot when not given the answer they want?  Nonetheless I am very excited for him and truly believe it could be a door opening move for him.  Not sure what he'll be doing in the marines...but I'll keep you posted about any potential need for a yellow ribbon.