Zookeeper's Wife

I know I'm basically a year behind, but I'm a mom and I use that excuse widely. 

If you're looking for an emotionally, eye opening, heart wrenching, thought provoking movie look absolutely no further. The zookeepers wife proves to be all of the above and more. 

It has always been hard for me to imagine the Nazi era, but I have been working hard to educate myself over the last years to better understand the histories of people around me. I still struggle to wrap my mind around the ingrained hatred that worked to motivate Word War II, and honestly I don't want to understand it. But, I do want to understand what led to it so that I can be best educated in how to prevent this level of hatred again.

I recently read Small Little Things by Jodi Picoult, and it too opened my eyes to experiences of racism for PoC. While I may be "woke" to the reality of these things existing, I am privileged in the sense that it isn't my daily life. 

I can't help but take a step back and reflect. How am I actively working against hatred? How am I pursuing a society of equity? How will I continue to respond as the hatred seems to be more vocal, more blatant, and more celebrated than ever before in my short life? These are questions that are quite literally keeping me up tonight. This movie. Oh my heart. This REALITY of so many- these babies being loaded in a train to be killed because of their looks and their beliefs. And a family who risked their marriage, safety, lives, and children to help others. 300+ people were saved because of their sacrifice. What will I sacrifice? What do I sacrifice? How could it be more? 

It's The...

Sights
The rainbows you send, the sunsets you help paint, the clothes you wore
Sounds
The voices that mimic yours, the memories that are on replay in my mind, the songs you loved, the truth you spoke
Smells
Onion breath, the lake water, your home, your "flower" perfume, the foods you made
Wisdom
The lessons you taught, the kindness you instilled, the encouragement you gave, the courage you built

They were right- you never will "leave" me- I just have to pay closer attention to see and hear you. Your continued presence offers the extra, much needed, comfort to get through to the next day-week-month-year without your arms embracing me. Those hugs, those words, the comfort of your smell -- no words explain my hearts yearning for these. It is but God that must teach me how to carry you with me each day.

I carry your heart
I carry it in my heart

Social Justice Pump Up

So we (Christopher and I) are training for the Columbus Half Marathon.  Shocking, right? I don't think you could meet someone who hates running more than I do.  But it's going okay actually.  We did 6 miles this Saturday...and I actually did it! I would still rather swim 6 miles than run them, but I did it! Shockingly! And I am slow, like really slow, like I think most people walk faster than I "run", but I don't really care because I'm running.  and for long amounts of times and long amounts of distances.

Anywho.  How do I make it on these long runs you ask? Well I count songs.  Like a mile is 3 songs.  And  my six mile run on Saturday was 17 songs (and 3 pandora commercials and a break from when it wanted to boot me off for inactivity).  Pretty sweet, right?  Now I try to think of other things too so that I don't obsess over the countdown, but still, I count songs.  It gives me a visual when looking at distance/time covered makes me discouraged.

But some songs are like legit pumper-uppers, and other songs are just passing the time songs.  My favorite right now you ask? Same Love- Mackelmore and Mary Lambert!  Seriously an incredible song!

 "The right wing conservatives think it's a decision
And you can be cured with some treatment and religion
Man-made rewiring of a predisposition
Playing God, aw nah here we go
America the brave still fears what we don't know
And God loves all his children, is somehow forgotten
But we paraphrase a book written thirty-five-hundred years ago"

 "When I was at church they taught me something else
If you preach hate at the service those words aren't anointed
That holy water that you soak in has been poisoned
When everyone else is more comfortable remaining voiceless
Rather than fighting for humans that have had their rights stolen
I might not be the same, but that's not important
No freedom till we're equal, damn right I support it"

What incredible lyrics!  I mean seriously, we should be reminded of the fact that there is no FREEDOM for ANY of us until we can ALL experience FREEDOM.  And we as a society LOVE to turn our heads, our eyes, our ears, our hearts away from the reality of the hate that we have today, but it is UNDENIABLE.

Today in the news we see a judge FINALLY making a statement about New York search policy that has been applied mostly to the hispanic and black communitites.  FINALLY.  Our black babies are still DYING TWICE AS MUCH as our white babies (EVEN when we control for things like education level, income level).  What will it take for us to realize that HATE has consequences? That racism is ingrained into our minds and societies? That our freedom means NOTHING when other's cannot experience it?

In the news today we also hear of a STATE FAIR (Missouri) having a rodeo where there is an individual with an Obama mask, and the announcer was enticing the audience saying that the bull would run down Obama, take him down.  While the govenor has thankfully spoken out against this, how do you imagine black individuals in the audience feeling while watching a stunt like this? How do you imagine this display of racism is going to affect little minds that are just learning about the world? Because, let's not be ignorant, and finally recognize that it WILL Affect them.  

Happy New Year--2013!

Never have I been so grateful to leave a year behind me!  I have had a countdown to 2013 since September, and I am so glad to be saying goodbye to 2012 tonight, though I am not saying good-riddens exactly how I had planned.  I have been fighting a silly cold since right after christmas and am not able to visit my mom in the hospital.  My mom and dad will be ringing in the new year together in the hospital, and Zach and I will be ringing it in here at home, that is, if I can stay awake!

2012 has been rough for many reasons; countless health battles for my mother, countless emotional struggles that my family has had to overcome including the death of my my papaw, and simply watching my mom fight so hard every single day.  On top of that I have had long work/school days, my dad has as well making schedules complicated, my sister is likely VERY sick of her car and the drive from MI to IN, and Zach is likely sick of people asking him how he is doing and asking him about his grades.  My boyfriend moved across the country to SC and I miss him all of the time. BUT there have been GREAT things too...

Great 4th of July memories at the boat, great Seabrook memories, an incredible man I have truly fallen in love with, a family that I will forever be grateful for, a brother who is now driving an AWESOME jeep, a mother who has shown me what strength really is, a papaw who left this earth not before showing me what generosity is, a life of endless learning. 

I am really hoping for a 2013 that is full of health, prosperity, generosity in this nation, beauty, happy changes, and man and I living in the same zipcode!!!

My 2012 final thoughts is something that has struck me lately, which is how often people tell my momma to keep fighting, or to stay strong, and while I understand that these words are meant in good faith, they are actually quite inconsiderate.  Well I think they are, I haven't had the courage to ask her what she thinks because I would likely cry.  I think they are inconsiderate simply because it takes her strength to wake up, to move her legs from side to side, to move in her bed, when she has to ASK to get up, to take her 20+ pills twice a day, etc etc etc.  The strength she has is more than any of us have, and she already has that strength...AND that strength has nothing to do with the outcome of her illness.  She is fighting, as are the doctors, as is her family, but the outcome of her illness, her prognosis, if you will, should never be a reflection on her; and words like "keep fighting" or "stay strong" implies that she has the option to not do that for one, and two that the result of not doing that would be failure.  I'm sure people may disagree, but I feel that applauding her strength and incredible tenacity would be much more appropriate, I just don't think we as a culture know these things unless you have experienced it personally.

Days Off

#147: Days off, at home, are few and far between.  I am grateful for a FULL Friday and Saturday of laying around, catching up on sleep, hittin the gym, and attempting to catch up on homework.
#148: Speaking of the gym...it had been awhile.  Grateful to go to a gym with LOTS of windows that overlook a beautiful lake..
#149: A non-frozen lake, may I add!! The weather in Michigan has been incredible.  Sunny, bright, and not freezing!!
#150: Though grading papers is sucking the life out of me, I am making progress!

Today I really realized how incredible my life truly is.  I was reminded of all of the privilege that I experience on a daily basis.  In sections last we, my students discussed whether or not they could be grateful for the privileges they have.  I think we can be grateful...but part of that gratitude has to translate in to working to help ALL people experience these privileges. 

So on a beautiful day like today, I spent time reflecting on how I dream of a day that your access to education, high paying jobs and health care no longer depends on your ethnicity, race, geographic location, or your gender.  I am working towards this dream by educating you all on the fact that these things DO impact access to resources and opportunities...

Check out the video series Unnatural Causes if you don't believe me...

This is but the trailer to six hours of research...

Planned Parenthood vs Susan G Komen

It all began just a few days ago when Susan G Komen spokewoman announced that as of April 1, 2012, Planned Parenthood would receive no funding from their organization.

Then the country cried out on behalf of the women that are served by Planned Parenthood.  And videos like this were created...

And women and men around the country used their voices to support such a powerful organization. 

And Then...articles like this came out today.  Komen came back and said that PP will still be eligibale for grants, even if they don't receive them.  Still shitty, really, but a better move.  The best part was that they admitted to falling in to the political warfare rather than supporting women. 

#141: Women should not be stigmatized for having sex.  It's a part of life.  I am honored to go to class every day with the people in the video above. 
#142: I like that we can laugh while we fight for the cause of women's health.  "Don't fuck with 'em, Don't fuck without 'em"
#143: A day off to enjoy being lazy and get caught up has been incredible. 
#144: While I am struggling to get through all of my grading...I recognize how grateful I am for playing a huge role in these students' academic careers. 
#145: Feeling honored, loved, cherished today.
#146: My snickerdoodle is one year old today!!!!!!  I love this puppy so much :)

Bullying

I admitted a few months ago on Blogger that I love the Kardashian's.  Well since that post, KimK ended a 72 day marriage, KourtneyK got knocked up, and Kourtney and Khloe take NY 2 began.  Surprisingly, the Kardashian sisters have been involved in something incredibly positive in the past few days, too.

The Kardashian sisters went on Extreme MakeOver: Home Edition to support a family whose children had suffered greatly from bullying.  Though bullying has been receiving lots of attention lately in the media with the rise of bullying-related suicides, bullying is still both rampant and detrimental for children and youth.

Watch Jonah's Story.  He is full of honesty, brokenness, strength, and triumph.  His story is moving, powerful, emotional, and inspirational.  Join me in lifting his struggles and pain up to the One who can impact his life.

#89: I am grateful to be at a place in my life where I can be confident without being cocky, myself without being afraid, and free without feeling judged. 

#90: Celebrities are a confusing population to me.  They get paid to live their life, basically.  Though movie stars or musicians get paid for their goods/works, what made the Kardashians famous?  Despite this weird-ness, I am grateful that their fame and the fame of others is doing good in some ways.  Many ways, even.

#91: Christmas is upon us.  Though that means materialism, Hallmark, and money in many ways; it also means donating to those in need, making Christmas happen for families in need, and spending time decorating the house for the holidays.  I love this season.

Secret

I LOVE THE KARDASHIANS.  So embarrassing, I know.  It's absurd.  I don't even know why I like them.  But watching them provides me with so many entertained moments...

A moment on the lips is a lifetime on the hips...

told you, creepy.

Adorable little Mason...

Mame K's face lift...lol...

Bruce's creepy face lift results...

The DRAMA (understatement of the year)...




Really. It's so entertaining.  Though sometimes I feel like my brain cells decrease as I watch their dramatic, extravagant lives unfold.  Everyone needs their little secret pleasures though, and watching Kim K's wedding is one of mine...

P.s. this is tagged as acceptance so you are all motivated to STILL accept me :)

Loss

Read this article.  I'm serious.  I cried. 

I think part of why I cried is because of what it symbolizes to me.  Dogs love their owners, so unconditionally.  Think of pets that are tortured, as soon as you offer a kind word they are warmed back up to you and want nothing but your love.  This dog loved his father, and is heartbroken about his loss.

What about people?  Do people truly grasp this emotion; the emotion of loss?  Experiencing a death of a loved one is nothing you can prepare yourself for.  I don't care if it's sudden or gradual, it hurts the same and the uncomfortability of not being able to call that person/smell them/hear them/see them makes the reality incredible unbearable.  There are still moments when I lose my breath thinking about my grandmother, or about what a family I used to know experienced when a mother lost her son.  Loss is powerful.  It draws people closer, makes people irrational, makes people act out of character, and makes many realize things about their life they want to change, enhance or let go by the wayside.

How has loss affected your life?

Lent

Lent started a couple of weeks ago.  Or maybe last week. Or maybe 3 weeks ago.  I have no concept of time. 

Anyways.  I obviously didn't give up food (I never eat fast food, candy, or pop.  I also can't have SO many other things that it seemed unnatural).  I didn't want to give up swearing because I like swearing.  And I am already doing a Bible reading plan and and exercise plan.  So I had no clue what to do.

Then...I was at the bar with Lisa and Panda, and when we were talking I mentioned that I had resolved that I wasn't too fat or too ugly.  I was SO proud of myself!!  They were not.  So..for lent, I am working on maintaining a positive view towards my body and myself.  Meaning that I don't want to be critical towards the way I look or towards who I am for 40 days.

Point?  We are all critical beings in nature, but at the end of the day the way I look doesn't matter.  But my happiness, my contribution to the world, and how much I take advantage of life DOES matter.  I'd much rather spend time on those things than on worrying about how I look or worrying about what people think of me (Which I am doing right now, fail).  In the end, I just want to have more peace in my life, to love myself more, and to be able to accept where I'm at in life.