My Most Tiredest Day

People always complain about Monday's, and let me tell ya... I don't really like them either. But I really don't think that they are the worst.  Last week on Wednesday morning I asked Christopher what day it was, and then told him that it was my most tiredest day. And I think Wednesday may be the worst of the worst.  My sister agrees.  When you wake up Wednesday you think that the week is almost done, but it really isn't.  And then that day lasts so flipping long. And then on Thursday you wake up and you feel like THAT is your most tiredest day ever.  But the good thing about Thursday is that the week is almost over.  But the tricky thing about Thursday is that by the end of the day you will often be eating dinner Thursday night thinking it SHOULD be Friday because the day before was so effing awful (damn wednesdays).






Work weeks suck ass.  Good luck y'all. 

Zucchini Bread-- Gluten Free Delicious

I started my job...and the start has been slow! Between trainings and waiting on certifications I have had so much time to research recipes and become an amazing chef! (If I do say so myself!)  We have had stir frys, pot roasts, lots of grilled delicious goodies, lots of rice and mexican dishes, and even some wonderful ZUCCHINI BREAD!  I thought I would share my Zucchini Bread recipe as it was a combination of a couple that I found, mainly borrowing from GlutenFreeGoddess.  Basically the bread is my fave though, and hopefully everyone else who has tried it has enjoyed it too :)

Oven- 350 degrees
You need a loaf pan, greased.

Ingredients:
1.5 cups Namaste GF Flour Blend
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon
1 cup brown sugar--no clumps
1/3 cup EVOO (or other)
2 egg whites
1/4 cup vanilla soy milk (I used light)
Good squeeze of half of a lemon (for the juice!)
1 tablespoon vanilla

as many chocolate chips as desired!

1-2 cups of fresh graded zucchini--let the zucchini soak in paper towels to drain the excess water while cooking

Mix all dry ingredients (flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, cinnamon).  Once blended add the brown sugar.  My brown sugar wanted to clump up so using your blender vary the speeds to get the clumps out, the clumps will not break down while cooking so get them out now.

Add wet ingredients (oil, egg whites, milk, lemon juice, vanilla).  Batter will be thick, so add ingredients slowly and keep pressing batter down.  Once the batter is all blended, go back to your zucchini.

Again, get as much excess moisture out of the zucchini as possible.  I then used the paper towels to separate the individual shreds before putting into the batter.  I used the blender on medium for less than 60 seconds to get more moisture out and into the batter, than used a spatula to hand mix the rest.  I then added the chocolate chips.

The bread will need to bake for about 60 minutes, maybe longer depending on how wet your zucchini was.  Test the center of your bread before taking out.

ENJOY!  

And if you are GF-- Namaste has some of the BEST products out there! From flours, to brownies, to pizza crusts--just delicious.  Watch for their products at HomeGoods-weird right? but a great deal on great great awesome products. 

Okay now I need to work!!

A Whirlwind of Change and Seasons

Wow, my last post was in January-- a time where my life was CONSUMED with studying, interning, missing my long distance Carolina boyfriend, and my favorite activity, taking care of my beloved mother.  Hours in the hospital, checking on her during lunch brea
ks and after interning all day, and hours in the evenings at home, helping her with her creams, medicines, IVs, getting her comfortable, her ipad charged, making sure her rice-a-roni was cooked just right-- and most of all, just soaking her all in. 

Everything has changed.  We, my family, has experienced deep seasons of sorrow, grief, loss, despair, anger, mistrust, confusion, worry, you name it, one of us have felt it.  My mother joined my grandma Dixie on April 3rd, 2013.  She dictated how the end of her life would be, and that was an incredible thing to witness.  She was in her home, surrounded by all of us, her sister and
mother visited, the pastor visited, she was baptized, her friends sat with her during the days, she was able to get some things in order as she wanted (those cook books NEEDED to be organized as the girls would never use most of them! and it meant a lot to her to download all of her favorite kids songs and make a play list for her future grand children. we listened to that play list on some of her last days).  My mom was in control, but what was most difficult was having to watch her switch her mindset from being in control of her cure and recovery, to being in control of her death and progression to the next life.  And even though it was an honor to watch her be so brave and be by her side, it was the worst thing imaginable to have to watch that transition from recovery mindset to heaven focused mindset.

Something I will thank God for every day is the fact that my mom was with us for a very long time given the gravity of her battle (now on most days, I follow that thanks with a "but yes, you still suck for taking my mom").  My mom almost left us 10 days prior to when she passed away.  We were blessed with TEN days of time in our HOME where she was lucid for most of those days where her schedule was dictated by her, not her medications, not her doctors visits, nothing but her.  I remember one day, specifically, when she was doing SO well we had talked about going back to the hospital just because her strength surprised us after such a low point one saturday, and she expressed such freedom about being in her home.  It was honestly the most reassuring thing she could have said, as I knew then, she was comfortable, content, she was OK.  She was being taken care of by some one MUCH bigger than me. 

She demonstrated this by describing what was happening that one saturday we thought we were losing her.  She was talking to me, and I think her friend Kim, too.  She described being able to hear what we were saying to us, and she remembered everything (us reading the bible to her, us singing to her, etc), but not being able to talk or answer.  She said she felt like she was just being pulled away from her body.  I asked if she was scared, and she said no, not at all...I had a completely peaceful feeling all over.  I knew it was going to be okay, she explained.  She didn't like not being able to respond, but she wasn't scared.  What a way for God to show her that he is going to care for her.  Something I told my mom a lot during her last days was that I was praying that God would scoop her ailing body into his strong arms and restore her strength, and erase her pain.  I felt that that prayer was safest as I wished he would do that on earth but I KNEW he would in heaven.

We also told my mom she would have lots of jet ski's to ride in heaven, and even some with stripper poles if so desired (a joke from her days of stripping nightgowns in her sleep). 

I miss my mom, achingly so.  But I try so very hard to think of ways to honor her memory each and every day.  Here we are, June 26.  Brittany just had a birthday! we all went to celebrate with her in Carmel, Indiana! Man o Man is she so good at decorating! Christopher and I are living together in Dublin, OH -- no more long distance--EVER.  I graduated with my MSW, passed the clinical exam, and am a Licensed social worker...with a JOB starting after our annual Cumberland trip next week.  Zachary just got back from a 10 day school trip to Spain, it was about a 4-1 girl-guy ratio, I think he had fun...  And dad is loving his Job, and trying to stay busy and active.  Christopher is working for nationwide again, missing Charleston a bit, but I help make up for it I think :)  We are all trying to keep our heads above water.  And the best way us Polen's do that is by getting on a boat--that's where we are headed next week!

I'm Dating a Marathoner!

That's right, world, my man is a sexy as all get out marathoning man! Christopher's parents were kind enough to allow me to hitch a ride with them to Charleston Friday morning (I drove to their house late Thursday). We arrived around 5:30 and I was greeted with a very happy Boomer, and a little later, a very happy Christopher.

He was so nervous, whether he realized it or not! But he did fantastic!!! He finished all 26.2 miles and ran from charleston to north charleston while also getting a bit of a tour of the city! It was such an incredible feeling watching him accomplish a goal that he has been working towards for several months now. I was so proud, anxious, and in awe of his endurance and strength. It was so fun watching his family be so supportive as well... And basically it was a great experience to watch him cross the finish line with people that love him watching on. I love him so much!

I have realized more and more that I have been blessed with a man that is strong, intelligent, and passionate. We bicker at times because we have different ideals on certain things, but I know he will support me, and he knows I will support him. And in the end, that is what I care about. I feel lucky... But I also feel dreadfully sad that I had to say goodbye to him this morning after spending a wonderful weekend with him! It gets harder each time and I think he has gotten used to the fact that I cannot say "I love you" or "goodbye" because I'm just trying not to cry!!

All in all what a great weekend being loved on, loving on him and celebrating his accomplishments!!

Happy New Year--2013!

Never have I been so grateful to leave a year behind me!  I have had a countdown to 2013 since September, and I am so glad to be saying goodbye to 2012 tonight, though I am not saying good-riddens exactly how I had planned.  I have been fighting a silly cold since right after christmas and am not able to visit my mom in the hospital.  My mom and dad will be ringing in the new year together in the hospital, and Zach and I will be ringing it in here at home, that is, if I can stay awake!

2012 has been rough for many reasons; countless health battles for my mother, countless emotional struggles that my family has had to overcome including the death of my my papaw, and simply watching my mom fight so hard every single day.  On top of that I have had long work/school days, my dad has as well making schedules complicated, my sister is likely VERY sick of her car and the drive from MI to IN, and Zach is likely sick of people asking him how he is doing and asking him about his grades.  My boyfriend moved across the country to SC and I miss him all of the time. BUT there have been GREAT things too...

Great 4th of July memories at the boat, great Seabrook memories, an incredible man I have truly fallen in love with, a family that I will forever be grateful for, a brother who is now driving an AWESOME jeep, a mother who has shown me what strength really is, a papaw who left this earth not before showing me what generosity is, a life of endless learning. 

I am really hoping for a 2013 that is full of health, prosperity, generosity in this nation, beauty, happy changes, and man and I living in the same zipcode!!!

My 2012 final thoughts is something that has struck me lately, which is how often people tell my momma to keep fighting, or to stay strong, and while I understand that these words are meant in good faith, they are actually quite inconsiderate.  Well I think they are, I haven't had the courage to ask her what she thinks because I would likely cry.  I think they are inconsiderate simply because it takes her strength to wake up, to move her legs from side to side, to move in her bed, when she has to ASK to get up, to take her 20+ pills twice a day, etc etc etc.  The strength she has is more than any of us have, and she already has that strength...AND that strength has nothing to do with the outcome of her illness.  She is fighting, as are the doctors, as is her family, but the outcome of her illness, her prognosis, if you will, should never be a reflection on her; and words like "keep fighting" or "stay strong" implies that she has the option to not do that for one, and two that the result of not doing that would be failure.  I'm sure people may disagree, but I feel that applauding her strength and incredible tenacity would be much more appropriate, I just don't think we as a culture know these things unless you have experienced it personally.

Needing Encouragement

As we get closer to the Mayan's "end of the world" I feel myself wondering if it could be true. Well not really. But more so wondering that if this is my current reality, how much is the true end of times going to suck? If children are dying in massacres, if cops are being killed on duty, and NFL stars are making their children parent-less now; what should I expect for the end of times?

It's no surprise that I am a firm supporter of improving access to mental health resources in this nation given my profession, but I find myself being even more concerned about this issue considering the fact that I am in a country where buying an assault weapon is easier than accessing mental health services. I only need an ID and the cost of the weapon, and any big sporting goods store vs my ID, insurance, money, and obviously the fortune of living in a neighborhood with mental health services and the gumption to fight the stigma attached to said services.

When are we going to address this? So you all want your cool guns and your stupid amendment 2? Well I want my fellow neighbors to have access to resources that will better their lives, improve society and keep us safer. I don't give a shit about your stupid guns, but until we address the bigger issues in this country, it is simply unwise to continue to allow these weapons to be as accessible as they are.

I was talking with my mom, her pastor and his wife today about this. Something he said stood out to me, he said that every time he discusses mental health in church he has several individuals express gratitude re his openness in expressing mental illness not as a character flaw but as an actual disease. When is our nation going to follow suit?

A Homeless Man, A Reminder

Last week when I was on one of my many bus rides of the week between the hospital and campus, I found myself on a bus with a man who was likely homeless.   When he got onto the bus, people moved away from where he was, and while this man did carry quite a stench with him, I was angry with the people who did this.  So, I started to talk to him.

Though I didn't have enough time to learn his whole life story, I was able to learn that he isn't from Ann Arbor, but found himself here because he thought people (family I think) here would help him.  They have not helped him, however, and he has been living on the streets for too long to keep track of, or so he said.  The man needed help finding 7-11, and since I was walking to my office on State St, I told him to walk with me and that he would be able to find it.  When we said goodbye the amount of gratitude that he expressed was simply unbelievable.  All I had done was offer humanity to this man, I did not judge, I did not fear, and I did not act oblivious to his needs.  I talked to him, I treated him how I would hope others would treat me if I myself were to be homeless.  He was kind, he was gentle, and he was lost.  But why?

In such a political time in our country, we are being bombarded with FALSE information on a daily (if not hourly) basis regarding what each presidential candidate can give us.  One thing that is TRUE, though, is that the Republican agenda would here about this man I tell you of and then stick up its nose, walk away, and whisper that he should help himself.  And if he can't help himself, then find a community resource that can.  In this agenda there is an assumption (well there are lots) that every human being has equal access to a prosperous life.  Well we KNOW this isn't true.  How are we all granted equal access to this is our education is not equal, if our kids are not made aware/taught about how to "help" themselves through education and better jobs?  Well we just aren't.  Our country's institutions are racist on a daily basis, kids from poor families with druggie mommy and daddy's are no longer getting benefits, and it's becoming harder and harder for minority populations to have a chance at making it "big and prosperous" even when they are educated about their choices.  And if you're wanting to argue with the racist comment, tell me why white people get organs more than minorities (even when controlling for any representation distributions).  Or tell me why black babies die 3 times more often in infancy than white babies.  Well you can't explain these things without acknowledging the research that points to institutionalized and experienced racism.

So why do I care?  Well I care for LOTS of reasons.  Being a social worker, I am COMPLETELY committed to fighting for social justice even if it is not the popular ideology.  I also care because this man is utilizing services right now, like shelters, food banks, and counseling, that will be taken away from him if Romney is put into office.  Government program cuts means our most vulnerable clients suffer. 

Yes I am ranting, but it is incredibly important.  So much of the media DOES NOT educate you on the implications of your vote.  Learn. Research. and vote.