THE dress

From the time you are a little girl to the time you are all grown up, women wear hundreds (thousands?) of dresses.  That being said, there is ONE dress that simply outdoes them all..

your WEDDING DRESS of course!

Back in January I started my hunt.  I went a handful of places in the Dublin Ohio area, and each boutique/store had its pros and cons.  As a bride who has never tried on a wedding gown before, I was so unsure of what to expect and simply had no idea what I was getting myself into.  When we went the first time I specifically remember a consultant explaining the layout of the store and remember my eyes getting wider and wider.  My sister offered a needed "calm down" comment and I was able to regroup and dive in. 

Wendy's
Do you want to go somewhere with a humongous selection of popular, decently priced designers? Ok, so go to Wendy's.  Do you want to go somewhere you may end up with an evil older woman named "Sue" who will ridicule you and be obnoxious the whole time? Ok, so go to Wendy's.  I decided to go to Wendy's because in my search of salons, they by far offered the largest range of designers.  I appreciated that I could try on a gazillion styles and designers at one place. And I got to, sort of.

We walked through and pulled dresses, but Sue, my consultant, would frequently tell me that the dresses I pulled were not right for me.  That being said I definitely fell in love with a dress here.  It was hard though because the majority of dresses I tried on here, I loved.  It was overwhelming as there were way too many brides trying on at that time, and I had a consultant who cared more about figuring out why my mom wasn't there (yeah, not delicate at all to the immense sense of emptiness that not having my mom there left me with) and with figuring out if I was a "trier or a buyer".  Well, pretty sure you have to try before you buy lady.  Oh and she also may have attempted to assault my sister had she taken a picture.

Alfred Angelo
Seriously the only thing that comes to mind when I think of this store is the Disney Princess line.  And that may be something you're into, but oh hell no.  I may have loved snow white, little mermaid and belle as a child but I don't need a wedding dress inspired by them.

The nice thing about Alfred Angelo? Though it is a large chain like David's (we'll get there) their quality of material and style options were much better.  They have great bridesmaids and mother dresses too.

Ivy Bridal
Are you looking for a dark, quiet, expensive, unique bridal experience? This one is for YOU!  My sister loved the dresses here, I did not.  Well that may be too harsh.  I thought some were absolutely beautiful.  Their prices were intense and they are definitely kind of snooty when it comes to their designers.  They pride themselves on the rare designers they carry.  Which is cool, but I am just not hipster enough I guess. 

Oh and also, if you are larger than a size 4 good luck getting into their dresses.  I unfortunately am larger than a size 4 right now and some of the dresses just would not go on even enough to get the full picture.  Most of the other stores had a range of sizes or at least a size 8 to accommodate some of us gals with large gals, if you get what I'm saying. 

David's Bridal
Seriously intense.  My Sister and I went here with my Aunt and Grandma and it was a madhouse! It was hard to stay positive and in the bridal mode when there was so much going on in every direction I looked.  I was hoping to find a certain style to try on for comparison sake and they didn't have anything similar, which is fine, but all of the consultants just bombarded me telling me they would definitely find me a dress, forcing me to try on things that i hated.... it was just intense.

That being said, they have TONS of bridesmaids dresses.  They are in every states (and when your bridesmaids live in separate states that is a bonus) and very affordable.  I get very hung up on the fabric and though the bridal gowns I tried on had awful fabric quality, the bridesmaids dresses are comparable to everything else I have seen (though much more affordable). 

Also be aware that David's Bridal will sell your info to a lot of people so you will get phone calls, emails, and more from third party vendors.  David's still calls me asking me if I want to come back in for an appointment...so just be aware.

Elegant Bride
Finally! My most favorite! Well only because this is where I bought my dress :)  After being in places that have so many appointments at once and are so crowded and busy, it was refreshing to walk in and have three women all talking to me and getting a feel for my wedding, my style, and my taste.  They walked me through the store and showed me everything that they thought I would like (and more) and I got to try anything I wanted on (regardless of if they "thought" it would work for me or not).  It was literally the best experience and I loved it.

As soon as I said Yes to the Dress, though, I will admit to feeling an immediate sense of remorse.  Why? Because there are thousands of dresses out there.  What if there is one that I love even more?  That being said, I dream about this dress, think about it all of the time, and it made me feel like a bride...not just pretty, but a bride. 

What was your bridal shopping experience like? Where did you go? 

Zero Dark Thirty

A couple weeks ago, Christopher and I watched the film Zero Dark Thirty. He had recorded it onto the DVR and we watched it one evening before he left for a business trip.  Though I read the description of the film I seriously had NO idea what I was getting in for.

The movie portrays the time between 9-11 and the killing of Osama Bin Laden (yeah, not a light topic for the day).  It shows the work of CIA operatives who were interrogating known accomplices of Bin Laden-- in pre no-torture days at that.  The opening scenes are some of the most repulsive scenes I have ever allowed myself to watch.  I felt nauseous, dizzy, and conflicted.

These operatives were doing their job, and doing it well.  They were in places such as Pakistan where they were hated on, threatened, shot at, and bombed in order to discover information that would lead to the eventual take down of Bin Laden.  That is medal-worthy work, people.  And thank GOD for the men and women (holla at you, kick ass girl in the movie)

But at the same time, their work was degraded, in-humane, and down right disgusting.  They were hitting, kicking, starving, depriving, water boarding and everything in between.  On top of that, they used tactics such as shaming, nudity, using dog collars and more to embarrras and strip away every last ounce of humanness from these individuals. 

Now, keep in mind, the individuals being tortured were likely terrorists. And I say likely because most of the people they are seen interrogating (torturing rather) were not necessarily terrorists but had been seen with a terrorist at one point or another.  A serious case of in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I was left with a deep sense of WHY? Why do we respond to hate (terrorism) with more hate (torture)? Why do we respond to cries for help (from those being tortured) with silence (or more pain infliction).  Why does it seem natural to inflict such pain, shame, and torture on any human being regardless of their crime?

Now I preface my reactions with the fact that I am not an eye for an eye type of person.  I believe in redemption and rehabilitation.  Would terrorists choose terrorism if they had other choices? I like to believe that they would NOT.  And I can appreciate that for the families who lost loved ones in any of the Al Queda terrorist attacks that it feels good knowing the men to blame were tortured, injured, shamed, and caused pain.  But I beg you to consider WHY that makes you feel better. Not because I judge you, not because it is wrong, but is that actually how you feel, and questioning your beliefs is never a bad thing.

Something that also struck me was that the movie critically proclaimed the "no-torture" rulings that Obama put in place.  It was so interesting for me (So so pro no-torture) to see this from the point of view of the people who had been doing the torturing. 

Lastly I will leave you with a link to an article about the movie that is much more eloquent than mine!

Sochi 2014

Is it just me or do these Olympics seem to have a different feel to them than years past? I don't feel the America loving vibe or the unity that the Olympics usually creates.  My coworkers and I have been talking about the Olympics all morning and Christopher and I have been watching them quite a bit.  That being said, I don't feel like I'm missing out when I don't catch something on TV. 

For one, it is hard to be on twitter during the olympics (something I remember from London 2012).  If you want to watch a race/competition and be surprised by who wins then DO NOT go on twitter during the day.  Every race I have watched so far, I have already known the outcome.  Not because I look it up but because my social media addiction makes it hard to not click on that little blue birdy.

Secondly, the scandals around Sochi are absolutely ridiculous.  From the man holes not being covered, the disgusting water, the hotels that are completely undone with wires hanging everywhere, and the list continues.  Just check this site.  It is pretty disgusting/scary.  I think when you see a country/city struggle so much to get things ready for the games it creates a sense of un-excitement.  How can you be pumped for the olympics when the olympics aren't ready for the games, athletes, and media? 

I also think that Russia in general has a lot to do with the lack of excitement for the Olympics.  One coworker was saying how bummed she would be as an athlete if that is where you were going to compete--now I personally wouldn't turn down a trip to anywhere on this Earth because I love to explore especially internationally, I do feel that Russia is not a top 10 destination on anyone's radar especially given the controversies in their nation.  Their anti-gay sentiments in particular leave me with a feeling of divided-ness, not unity, which is something I have always loved about the Olympics.  The fact that athletes have to "watch their backs" while their because of their sexual orientation makes me nauseous.  How on earth are we in 2014 and still do not love and accept all humans for their personhood?  It is mindboggling to me. 

Lastly, I think our world becomes more and more cynical and negative as time goes on rather than the other way around.  A lot of that likely has to do with how quickly news can spread and how much news is worth.  We can't find articles about the strides Sochi has made for the Olympics to take place because those don't exist.  It's not that they haven't made strides, but that negative news is more "exciting".

All of that being said- I love the Olympics and I love watching the competitions.  I still think the Summer games are much more exciting but watching people fly through the air on skis and snowboards is pretty fantastic. 

Have you Noticed?

Maybe you have already noticed these things, but maybe not...

There are fire hydrants EVERYWHERE.  literally. start paying attention. There is a fire hydrant like every 100 yards.  There are over 30,000 of them in Columbus.  30 THOUSAND. 

Don't get me wrong, I am very grateful. But can you imagine what life was like for the employees who put in all 30 thousand of those babies?  Nuts. just nuts.

This, I have never seen.

Also have you noticed how streets which used to be black top are now white gray top now that it is cold.  And I mean not the snow making it white..but the ground is white.  I guess it is the salt.  But like why? how? Salt chunks on top of black top make white gray top?

Okay and then what about grocery store shenanigans like how they display APPLES.  so Christopher likes gala apples which is nice because they are usually cheaper than some other apple guys.  Well the gala apples were next to some apples with a made up name that were much more than the gala apples.  Well i accidentally got one of those dudes and paid more than i should have for my 3 lbs of apples.  I call BS.


And what about some other weird things in grocery stores.  Where the hell is the velveeta? The pepperoni? The summer sausage? Like for real where do they hide all of this shit?

And lastly, since I am currently planning a wedding, have you ever noticed the entire INDUSTRY that is built around people saying "i do".  It is nutso.  I am often struck with the fact that Christopher and I's life will not really change after we say "we do".  We already live together, we already know we love each other and we already live our lives together.  While I love that those things are true, and I know I want to get married, why is an industry built around a few hours of celebrating the signage of a document? legally binding and life long as it may be, my romantic side is getting taken over by my cynicism I guess.  I can explain the romance and beauty of a wedding to you, yet am still taken a back by the HUGE billion dollar industry weddings are.

Engaged!

Wanna know something crazy? The last blog post I made was the day before we got engaged! And I simply had no idea what was about to come!

We went to Michigan the weekend of the 23rd to spend some time with my brother while my dad was over seas working.  My sister came up as well because she was planning to work from Michigan the following week.

Christopher and I knew we wanted to go to Spicer's Orchard to go shopping for some of our favorite wine- cranberry!!  He had mentioned that he wanted to go apple picking, and I agreed with him though I figured there would be no apples to pick since it is WINTER and was literally 10 degrees that weekend.

Well we made it to the Orchard, and I guess Christopher mumbled t
hat all the trees are dead under his breath as we pulled up to the Orchard (Brittany and Zach we
re with us).  We went into the orchard to get the wine, some cider, and some donuts for the non-gluten intolerant.  We put everything in the c
ar and were ready to go! Except Christopher kept asking if we were going to walk around.  I was very non-cooperative because it was FREEZING.  Brittany convinced me to walk over to the cider viewing window--but it was closed.  So then I was ready.  But Christopher was not! He wondered off into the apple trees, in the snow.  I eventually followed, found a frozen apple and threw it at the ground-- ready to get going! (Brittany was silently hoping i would not be a bitch at this moment!).  Christopher eventually grabbed my arm, told me he loved me and told me that I am his best friend.  He got on one knee in the snow, and asked me to marry him.  It all happened so QUICK! I was just totally not expecting it and NEVER clued into it!  It was so perfect.  I was so happy to be surprised, to have my siblings there, and to have the man of my dreams ask me to be his wife.

It was such a joy to call our family and friends- though our family already knew! He had spoken to my dad the week prior, and had told his family as well.  It felt incredible to feel celebrated by our loved ones.

It was very hard for me to not be able to tell my mom, to show her my ring, and to celebrate this incredible time of my life with her.  It can be so incredibly hard to explain to other people just how difficult it is to not have my momma here anymore.  Our family is unlike a lot that I know--we talk all the time, tell each other the good and the bad, share in victories and losses, and are there for one another no matter what.  I miss that about my mom.  She was the number one cheerleader in our family.  No matter what, she was there- physically or figuratively- whenever I needed her.   And in moments of stress or intense joy, she is who I want.  Not because I don't have other people in my life to turn to, but because for my entire life she was THAT person for me.  I love my mom so much, and I miss her more each and every day.

Moms and Babies

Every day I am working, I am working with moms and babies.  I get to see the sickest babies, or the most impoverished mommas on a daily basis.  I see families who have horribly disrupted attachment, but also families who love each other passionately and are trying to do right by their kids, to be the generation that changes for the family. 

Please watch this video if you have time.  It is an incredible story of a mommy and daddy loving the littlest of little one in our chaotic world.  Watch how the love for this boy saves him, and changes their lives as a family forever.  Stories like this one give me Hope in love. 

Working Woman

I have been working now for almost five months as a social worker with Children's Hospital--doing home visits through a prenatal through age three parent support and abuse prevention program.  And yes, I often get asked what I do.  Oh and yes, I often get told that "it must be nice to make your own schedule".  Oh and yes, I do often get told LOTS of things about what people expect my clientele to be like. 

It has been hard for me to internally balance what I see every single day through my job and what the media, pop culture, and even history have taught the public (and my friends and family) about who I am likely serving.  Not to mention, our highly divided country is becoming more and more difficult to navigate as my job requires me to help my families navigate the process of seeking assistance, enrolling in federal programs, and helping them understand that the lies the media and news speak of those who get assistance ARE NOT true. 

There- I said it- the way the news portrays my food stamps receiving, Medicaid getting, WIC assisted families is ABSURD, INACCURATE, HURTFUL, and SHAMING.

And these are some reasons why:

- Welfare Fraud is the main reason most people have negative views of welfare.  Why do you hear about welfare fraud? Because it is good news to report  to taxpaying viewers that their money is being wasted when one woman, for example, is claiming 38 children (who do not exist) getting benefits for all of them (this did happen).  It is also good news when women (recently in columbus) were selling WIC formula for cash.  (ask why sh
e did that? well she did that because she had extra left over and she thought it would be a good way to get cash for a beamer. Oh just kidding--to have cash to pay utilities). 

I am not applauding welfare fraud at all.  But the cases are few and far between the REAL benefactors of these programs (1.5-2.5% of cases).  The media can easily sell these stories because it helps the public continue to stigmatize and shame the users of these programs.

- Do you realize that even WITH benefits, most of the families I work with do not have beds to sleep on, do not have secured housing, do not have money left over for the momma and poppa by the end of the month, and often times do not have enough clothing for any of the family members.  My families are constantly having to rely on places that give out donations (did you know food pantries provide often expired food).  Just because a family is getting assistance does NOT mean they are living well.

- Medicaid is "free" medical coverage for women, children, families who fall below 100-200% of the federal poverty level (changes based on who you are and where you live).  Well, folks, if I were to get pregnant in the state of Ohio before I am married--my salary would qualify me for Medicaid.  Would I apply? HELL YES.  Why? Because it would guarantee me and fake baby the best of healthcare.  With my salary alone could I still get that with the Health coverage I have? Possibly, but mostly because I have a good fake baby daddy.  Alone I would not in any way.  Here's my point-- The benefits are available and it makes sense to use them-- they are designed to help families temporarily, and designed to make sure babies have the best start they can possibly get. 

- Something to remember is that while the programs are helpful, it can be nearly impossible to get out of the cycle of needing assistance. Why? Because the income levels are set so low that if you are even making minimum wage full time, your benefits will be stopped, likely including your childcare (title XX) benefits--making it impossible to still work and make that little.  You cannot raise a kid and pay all of your bills on that little with no assistance.


The families I work for represent the greater whole-- almost 40 million Americans recieve some type of assistance from the government.  And we as a country SHAME that to no end.  We make it seem like families are CHOOSING this life, and we also make it appear to be an enjoyable thing.  What is disgusting to me is what this really means for us as a whole: We shake our heads in disgust at the thought of helping other people-- children, moms and dads.  How awful is it that we as a nation do not want to take care of the people who are our next door neig
hbors, your kids peers, or the people sitting in the pew behind you.  We as a nation LAUGH at a president who has tried VERY hard to ensure these benefits for these families.  What does that make us as people? 

I always get told the "bootstraps" quote when I open this conversation--people just need to find a way to make things work.  But when babies are born into poverty, do not complete middle school (let alone high school or college), and may not even be able to read.  Tell me, how are they supposed to make things work without a little help?  Oh so they shouldn't have kids?  Well tell me, how the HELL are they supposed to learn about birth control if we keep it so god damn hush hush and keep shutting down our Planned Parenthoods and non-profit health centers. 

You can choose to belief what you would like.  But take a moment to think about what type of person you WANT to be.  What values do you WANT to convey to those around you?